


Maybe those kicks are your destiny

by lw531



Series: Welcoming Change (revised) [2]
Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Benji dumps Derek, Benji point of view, Derek Sucks, Fluff, Gay disaster, Gay yearning, Homophobia, M/M, Mia is Victors fake girlfriend, Road Trip, Slow Burn, Spring Fling, Victor comes out day one, Victor's hands, boys in almost love, boys slow dance, mom just wants her boy happy, victor is a good bro, willacoochie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25503667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lw531/pseuds/lw531
Summary: Dear Simon......that the first story I hear is about how you were able to get your crush to meet you at the Ferris Wheel feels like destiny, like a call to live true to who I am. I am not sure if I’ll be able to find love like you. But i do hope, at least, I can learn to love me:My name is Victor Salazar and I am gay.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Victor Salazar & Felix Weston, Victor Salazar & Isabel salazar, Victor Salazar & Mia Brooks, Victor Salazar & Pilar Salazar, Victor Salazar & Simon Spier
Series: Welcoming Change (revised) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890901
Comments: 29
Kudos: 114





	1. The destiny of shoes

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to imagine a universe where Victor came out day one and where we get to see Benji's thought process after meeting him. My original characters are the people with whom Benji was standing--Jules, Wren and Linsday.
> 
> Stopping by gives me wings!

_ Dear Simon,  _

_ Former theater teacher and not assistant principal Ms. Albright told me about your ferris wheel story. On hearing it, I decided that I might as well start living as a gay person too. I moved to Creekwood from a town called Graham, Texas. My father got a new job and wanted a fresh start in a new place. So, like him, I am going to use Creekwood as my fresh start… _

__ _ So, I’m not like you. I didn’t grow up in Atlanta. I left everyone I knew, except my family behind. My parents are religious. There’s a cross hanging in our new kitchen. My mom couldn’t spot a gay guy if he was wearing a rainbow flag and glitter at a pride parade. My dad can and calls them, like his father, flojito, and other, more harsh terms. The Spanish word for duck, for example.  _

__ _ I wanted to thank you for what you did at the Ferris Wheel. I know I don’t know the details and as much as Ms. Albright said to not dismiss the power of the Winter Carnival. I know what it did for you. I am not sure what it’ll do for me when I’m there. _

__ _ Still, that the first story I hear is about how you were able to get your crush to meet you at the Ferris Wheel feels like destiny, like a call to live true to who I am. I am not sure if I’ll be able to find love like you. But i do hope, at least, I can learn to love me:  _

__ _ My name is Victor Salazar and I am gay.  _

*** (Earlier that day) 

On reaching his locker, two girls approach him. Lake Merriweather, with a phone and a bubbly personality and another, Mia Brooks, who’s trying to apologize for the way she’s asking questions.

Victor’s tickled that someone’s interested in who he is from jump. In his last days in Texas, he was trying so hard to be invisible given how hung up some of his friends were on another of their friends eating  _ salad.  _ Like eating salad makes you gay. So, in response to the shorter girl with curly hair and a sweet smile, he says, “It’s great that someone’s excited to meet me. Ms. Albright told me this cool story about--

“So,” Lake interrupts, “you haven’t answered my question.”

“Which one?” Victor chuckles, the one about me being a piano model or--

“Are you taken?” She repeats, “do you have a girl at home or”

Victor takes a beat, “A girl?”

“Yeah,” Lake says, “are you in a relationship?”

“No,” Victor says, “I’m not and I’m gay.”

Lake looks at Mia, eyes growing wide, “Oh.”

“Cool,” Mia says and then offers her hand to him, “I’m MIa, by the way,” before adding with a smile, “some people can be weird about it and it’s great that you’re honest about it.”

“Yeah,” Victor said as they walked down the hall, “Ms. Albright told me the story about Simon Spier and the Winter Carnival and I’m new here, so I thought,” he says with a shrug, “why not start new?”

Mia nods, “Wow,” she says adding, “that’s pretty amazing. Welcome to Creekwood, Victor!”

“Thanks, Mia!” 

They parted ways as he made it down the hall as the bell rang overhead. While figuring out where his next class was, and taking in Felix’s social commentary about Creekwood culture. It wasn’t much different from his high school, except that they had more color and more colorful people. As he took in the other people around him, the sexiest guy he’s ever seen walked through opposite doors. He was wearing a rock t-shirt of a band Victor didn’t know, jeans that hugged his legs in all the right places, and silky hair the beautiful boy ran his fingers through as he walked past the swinging doors. 

Victor was in  _ trouble.  _

The beautiful boy, with cherub pink colored cheeks and pouty lips bent over at the water fountain. Victor never knew he’d be jealous of water. Even from their distance, Victor could see the way the water fell across his lips, the way the cute boy opened his lips for them. Victor wanted his lips to be where that water was. 

The boy approached them with a smile and Victor had to keep his knees from buckling under him. When the boy started talking about his shoes, he told him how his mom got them for him. When Felix chuckled, Victor remembered to breathe. 

“Sorry,” Victor breathed.

“No,” Benji said waving it away, “it seems like those shoes are your destiny, if you believe that sort of thing.”

“I do,” Victor said.

They stood in silence for a minute, and was Benji checking him out, Victor wondered, because his eyes were definitely scanning him up and down. 

“Oh,” Felix said, “this is Victor, Benji. Benji,” Felix continued, “Victor.”

“Nice to meet you,” Benji said offering him his hand.

“Nice,” Victor started taking it, “nice to meet you, too,”  _ could Benji hear his heart beating, because it was deafening in his ear.  _

“We should probably head to class,” Felix said.

“See ya later, Victor,” Benji said as he turned towards left. 

“Bye,” Victor breathed, his eyes following the angel until he blurred into the court. 

The first half of the day breezed by, between the invitation to try out for the basketball game, a class with Mia and another with Felix. At lunch, as he was listening to Pilar’s harsh experiences the first part of class, she came by and said hi. Victor counted himself lucky to have met such a great friend so quickly. The boys during PE were on some bullshit but, with his new found bravado after telling Mia, Lake and Felix he was gay, he pushed back in ways that got this guy Andrew stumbling over his homophobic insult. 

He wishes his sister had as good of a morning as he did. Given what she experienced, he wondered if the school didn’t have a lot of Latinos considering the level of their insult. At least Mia was there to soften the blow.

“Good luck, Victor,” a random student said approaching him. 

Victor, not recognizing him from any of his classes, asked, “What for?”

“For your GoFundMe.”

“My--

“Yeah, the one to fund my trip to Israel was amazing!”

“Who set it up?!”

“Andrew,” the guy said pointing to the guy from PE that morning. 

Victor went up to him and said, “Take it down.”

“I just thought,” he started saying with the look of feigned compassion, “that you needed support to join--

“This is because of PE isn’t it? When I made a shot over you--

“Why would I care about a stupid gym class game?!” Andrew asked getting up from his seat on a table. 

“Because you’re a tool,” Victor said walking up to him. “Take. It. Down.” Victor repeated.

“I will,” Andrew said shoving passed him, knocking his food out of his lunch bag. 

Victor tried to ignore the banter around him. He came out that morning. He made three new friends within a matter of a day. Fuck one asshole. 

“Are you okay?” a familiar voice asked. 

He looked up and saw Benji holding out his hand, the angel come down earth to torment him, perfectly glowing with the sun haloed around his head. 

Victor took his hand, eyes focused on each other. Before he could say thank you, anothing student yelled out, “Get it, new kid!” 

Victor’s nostrils flared as he darted his head to the pale skinned kid getting a laugh in. 

“Do you get with every person you touch, loser!”

The strange kid did a double take, turning beet red. The laughter once directed to Victor found a new target. 

_ High school is stupid anywhere you go, isn’t it?  _ Victor thought to himself. 

“You handled that nicely,” Benji said, “didn’t have to be homophobic back.”

“That’d be,” Victor started to say. He didn’t want to tell cute boy he was gay, not without knowing he was gay, “That’d be stupid.”

“Cool,” Benji said reluctantly letting go of Victor’s hand, “good to know.”

“Why good to know?”

“It’s important to know who your allies are, right?”

“Right,” Victor chuckled as Benji walked back to his table. 

As Benji disappeared into the crowd, he remembered he was hungry and he remembered that he left Pilar and Mia standing watching. 

“You handled yourself nicely there, Victor,” Mia said, patting him on the back. 

“Yeah,” Pilar said as they sought three free seats, “what got into you?”

“I dunno,” Victor said as they sat down, “fresh start, New Victor.” 

**

When Victor got home from school, he went on instragram to find the guy Ms. Albright talked about. He wrote him about his day, needing a gay guy who survived Creekwood High to give him some advice. It felt good to report to someone who wouldn’t ask him when he knew or if he liked him and who would just talk about the the life of a newly out high school kid. 

Afterwards, he threw himself on his bed, anxious about the homework he’d have to catch up on, the enemies he probably made, and the beautiful boy he wanted to kiss. 

Benji POV 

Meeting the new kid, friend of Felix’s, threw him. After almost a year with Derek, someone with cool shoes and a fiery spirit crossed his path twice in one day. The romantic in him stirred, stirred in a way it never stirred with Derek. Derek was the older guy who hit on him and brought him around other gay kids. A student at the local community college, he took him to PRIDE, & The Phillips Rush Center He was so proud to be gay and, after the accident, getting sober, he fell in love with someone who showed him that he didn’t have to be alone. Plus, Derek was a good kisser and invited him into a band where he was lead singer and suffered through high school dances and time with Benji’s friends from GSA without complaining. 

Derek was at Brasstown when Derek arrived there to start his shift. He was sitting at his usual table, working on homework. He smiled on seeing Benji, standing up to greet him with a kiss. Before starting his shift, Benji sat down and let Derek tell him about class, the argument he’d gotten into about the post-gay era and the string work he needed to do on his base guitar. “How was your day, hon?” Derek asked. 

Benji, with thoughts floating to the boy with dark eyes that swallowed him hole, shrugged, “Another day dealing with straight high school kids being idiots, glad to be work and relieved to see you.” He leaned in to kiss his boyfriend before starting his shift. 

After his shift ended, Derek went home to see  _ RuPaul Drag Race,  _ and he headed home to get ready for the carnival. He was meeting Lindsay, Jules, and Wren from GSA at the carnival, acting as wingman, all the while secretly hoping destiny would be kind and torturous to him by giving him another run in with new boy cutie Victor. 

He and his friends mostly people-watched, testing to see if their respective gaydar and queerdar were working. There were a handful of people out across Creekwood--even some first years--but there were a lot more closeted. Wren’s first ex went back in the closet the minute they were almost caught making out with Wren before homeroom started. He never experienced teases on at school. Before he officially came out, he made out at a guy at one drunken high school party a senior threw at the end of the year before but he played it hot and cold until he graduated. His departure for the summer threw him over the edge and, after an accident at a Wendy’s, he knew he had to come out and face it on his own. Within weeks he met Derek and life got instantaneously better, despite himself. Linds wasn’t as lucky and Jules, well,he still didn’t know how he felt about sex, as much as he wanted to kiss and cuddle with boys. 

After walking around, playing some games, riding the tilt a whirl and winning the first round of  _ how good is your gaydar,  _ they lingered at the snacks, contemplating what to get. He caught sight of Victor wearing a jacket and a hoodie, looking so questioning. Despite all the bad assery he had earlier that day, walking across towards the concession stand, he looked like a twunk gayby fresh out of water. The softness of his face, his angular features came out of early twentieth century photos he studied for shadow in art class. 

_ I definitely wanna draw that face one day,  _ he thought to himself as their eyes met. “Hey,” he said.

“Oh,” he said, “Hey! Felix sent me here to get churros. He said they’re sooo good.”

“You came with Felix?” Jules asked, “is he--

“He’s my neighbor,” Victor said, “introduced himself as soon as we all arrived.”

“No wonder I haven’t seen your face before,” Lindsay said, “we have Lit together--I sit behind you, Z last name and all. I’m Lindsay”

“Oh,” Victor said eyes sparking, “I’m Victor. I met Benji earlier today, and he was good to help me up when Andrew and I almost--

“Oh,” Wren said, “you’re the bad ass who didn’t run when a homophobe got on you!”

“I was teling them,” Benji said tilting his head, a couple straight locks failing out of place, “about what happened at lunch…”

“Oh...oh,” Victor said, “I wouldn’t say I was bad ass,” he said bowing his head, his cheeks tinting a little red. “Ever since Miss Albright told me about Simon Spier, I just feel like it’s dumb to just let bullies bully, you know.”

“Oh that happy gay story?” Jules said, “not all of us have that fairytale,” he added, “as much as we would like it.”

“I’ve had a pretty good day,” Victor said, “Mia Brooks was really nice to me and Felix didn’t freak--

“Didn’t freak?”

“Yeah, I started school telling everyone I was gay,” he said looking at Benji. 

Benji felt the heat raise up to his face. He was in trouble. 

As Victor made it to the front of the concession stand line, Jules and Wren shot dagger eyes at him,  _ what was that?  _ They mouthed. 

_ Trouble,  _ he mouthed back. 

Wren shook their head, to which Lindsay responded, “What’s going on?”

“Huh,” Victor said as he turned around with the churros. 

“Umm,” Benji said, “I think I see Felix.”

“Oh,” Victor said, his shoulders dropping, “I’ll catch you later, then.”

“Later Victor,” Lindsay said, “be sure to look up GSA meeting times, we’d love to have you.”

“Thanks,” he said walking backwards, eyes jetting to Benji for a second. 

Once Victor was out of earshot, Benji shook his head and rubbed his face, “I’m in so much trouble,” he sighed. 

“Yeah,” Wren said, “you totally are.”

“At least you were getting bored with Derek,” Lindsay said, “maybe it’s destiny.”

Benji shook his head, turned around to see if Victor disappeared into the crowd. 

Much to his disappointment, he did. 

  
  


_ Dear Simon,  _

__ _ I haven’t ridden on the Ferris Wheel yet. I am here waiting as my new friend and neighbor, Felix tries his hand at the water gun race. I met the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen. When I talked to him, I stumbled all over myself. I saw him when I got to campus, Felix introduced us. Then I saw him at lunch. And I just finished seeing him hanging out with a couple GSA students.  _

__ _ They invited me ot the meeting. I  _ do  _ wanna go but, more than anything, I wanna know if Benji likes me. I don’t know if he smiles at me because he likes me or he smiles at me because I can’t not smile at him and his perfect lips, his hazel eyes, his square jaw…  _

__ _ It helps me writing you, so thank you. Thank you for existing. I'm hopeful that moving to Atlanta will give me a great love story, too.   
_

  
  


_ Grateful,  _

_ Victor  _


	2. Welcome change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon writes Victor back! What happens at the Ferris Wheel now that Benji knows Victor's gay? And what do Benji's friends believe the Zoltaire's message really means?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some of the stuff that comes up in later episodes is set up in this chapter re: Benji and Derek tensions. Thanks to Tumblr's Duckling Cabal and American-homos-story plus the Love, Victor Hype Squad for talking to me as I wrote this chapter!!
> 
> Enjoy :)

_Dear Victor,_

_Thank you for reaching out. I’m honored to be one of the first people you tell you’re gay. I’m honored. I love Miss Albright. When I was at Creekwood, she shamed two guys making fun of me, a newly out white gay kids, and Ethan, an out and proud Black gay kid. She called them mediocre in ways that really let me know I wasn’t alone at school, after I stumbled through it._

_I guess I tell you this because it took a lot for me to get the courage to give myself a romantic story. A story Bram and I are still living all these years. He daily reminds me that courage takes time and, in your case, place. I told a transfer student friend of mine before I told the kids I grew up with. So, I hear why telling people you just met can be easier, you’re in a new place and you get to start a new life._

_I wish I had someone I could write to and_ I’m grateful _you chose me, Victor._

  
  


_Love, Simon_

  
  


***

Victor opened his phone by the tilt-a-whirl to find a message from Simon. On reading it, he felt his heart warm. “This is so cool,” he thought out loud. 

“What is?” Felix asked looking over at his phone. 

“Simon Spier wrote me back,” Victor said, showing him the phone. 

“Who?””

“When I walked in Miss Albright told me about this gay kid who used to go here and who made a grand romantic gesture on the Ferris Wheel.”

Felix’s eyebrows furrowed. “Before my time, but that’s cool,” Felix said, “to have someone who’s been through it in your back pocket.”

“Yeah,” Victor said, “I haven’t even told my parents yet, you know. I feel really good about telling you, Mia, Lake, and Benji but...I dunno--

“Hey there, stranger!” He heard his mom call out. 

Victor froze like a deer in headlights. 

“Hello Misses Salazar,” Felix said as she and the other Salazar’s approached them. 

“Isabel,” she said as they stopped in front of the boys. 

“Oh,” Felix said, face lighting up, “thanks, Isabel.”

“What brought you out?” Victor asked. 

“Well,” Armando, Victor’s dad said, “we wanted to get to know the new town.”

“And I wanted to spend time with my loving family,” Pilar said with a forced smile.

“You’re still grounded,” Armando said. 

She rolled her eyes. 

“I want cotton candy!” Adrian said, pulling on his mom’s hand. 

“Well,” Isabel said, “we’ll see you later!” 

Once they were out of earshot, Victor exhaled. 

“You okay there, buddy?” Felix asked. 

“That was close,” Victor said, “I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell my parents yet.”

“Because,” he answered as they walked towards another ride, “they’re religious. My mom’s oblivious, my dad’s used homophobic words and made fun of guys who were gay or he thought he was gay and,” he said putting his hand on Felix’s shoulder, “don’t get me started on my grandfather. I’m gay. I’m glad to be out, I just want to enjoy it for a little longer, you know?”

“I guess,” Felix said, “I can see how people can turn on you.”

They approached the Carnival swing. As he swung in the air, Victor’s excitement about coming out reset and he stepped down excited for what lied ahead. As Felix insisted they go back to the Tilt A Whirl. As they got in line, Victor and Mia’s eyes met. “Oh, hey!” they called out to each other at the same time. 

“How’s it goin?” Mia asked. 

“It’s good,” Victor said, “I met a couple people from GSA and we just got off the carnival swing which was really fun.”

“Hi,” Felix said, “I’m Victor’s best friend,” he said offering his hand to Mia and then Lake. 

“Oh,” Mia said, shaking her head in a little shock, “hi, I’m Mia.”

“Lake,” the journalist in the making answered with a twisted nose. 

Victor had to admit, it was a little awkward to see Felix introduce himself to the girls they walked with earlier that day.

“Umm,” Victor said trying to divert attention from the awkward, “where are you two going?”

“To the Ferris Wheel,” Lake said, “we wanna see if any romance blossoms.”

“Yeah,” Mia said rolling her eyes, “Lake is like the premiere Creekwood Secrets’ reporter, so she's always looking for stuff--ergo this morning.”

“Yeah,” Lake said, “but I don’t like outing people which is why I didn’t post anything about you,” Lake explained, “we’re cool about it but other people may not be and that’d be a rough way to start anew.”

“Thanks,” Victor said shoving his hands in his pockets, “can we tag along? I wanna see what romance looks like here.”

“Really?” Mia said, “how come? I mean, people aren’t really out here in public, there’s only one Simon Spier. And that he was white, made it easier, I think.”

“Yeah,” Victor said, “I almost had a run in with my parents as I was talking to Felix about being scared to tell them--

“They don’t know?” Mia asked.

He shook his head, “They’re religious and Pilar ended up having a fight with those girls and I didn’t have ait could be n idea how to break it to them.”

“That’s so sweet,” Mia said grabbing his harm, “that you trust us with that.”

“You were amazing since the second I met you, Mia,” Victor said, “I’m so glad I did.”

“That’s pretty bold,” Lake said as they paused in front of the Ferris Wheel, “I’m totes looking forward to the badassery you do!” 

As they approached the crowd, they passed the popcorn amongst the four of them. 

  
  


***

After Victor walked away, Benji told his friends, “Wanna go check out the Zoltaire?”

“You and your magical whimsy,” Wren chuckled, rolling her eyes and throwing her arm over his shoulder. 

“I wanna make sure VIctor’s my destiny before I do anything stupid,” Benji explained, “Derek and I have been together a long time and we’re in a band together, so, I dunno, I don’t want to ruin a good thing unless I _know_ it’s gonna be a great thing.”

“That’s real,” Jules said, “butterflies or a jones in your bones?”

“Can you speak more old school?” LInsday asked playfully, shoving him. 

“Well,” Jules said as they neared the Zoltaire, “we _are_ going to a mechanical fortune teller.” 

They arrived, Jules went first. Their fortune said, “A faithful friend is a strong defense.”

“True, true,” Lindsay said, taking her turn, “especially for us.” 

Hers said, _A good time to finish old tasks_ whereas Wren’s said, _A smile is your personal welcome mat._

“These are so, bleh,” Wren said, “I want something grand to come across my life, not something generic and cheesy.”

“Maybe it’s a call to be more generic and cheesy,” Benji said as he put his money in the machine. “Smiling more would totally suit you.”

Wren rolled their eyes, “what nonsense does yours say?”

“Welcome change,” Benji said handing it to Wren who then handed it to Jules. 

“Umm,” Lindsay said, “do you think that’s about Derek and Victor?”

“I think so,” Jules said. 

“C’mon,” Benji said, “it could be about anything.”

Lindsay and Jules wanted to ride the Ferris wheel, take in people being the size of ants from its top. Once they arrived there, Benji spotted Victor cozied up to Mia, laughing. Why was he jealous of a girl when the boy jus said he was gay? Lindsay slid her arm through his and whispered in his ear, “welcome change,” she said. 

The queer squad approached Victor and the hets he was hanging with, making small talk and exchanging pleasantries. “We’re gonna go on the Ferris Wheel,” Jules said, “wanna come along?”

“I uh,” Victor started, “I was thinking about it--

“Well,” Lindsay said, “Wren here’s afraid of heights--

“I’ve got too many snacks in my hands,” Felix interjected, holding up his full arms. 

“And miss all the people-watching!” Lake said, “No.”

Benji could hear his heart beating in his chest, Victor was staring at him like he wanted to eat him alive. 

“C’mon,” Mia said, grabbing his arm, “I’ll go on with you, Victor.”

Benji watched them hand their tickets over to the machine operator. Victor’s eyes stuck to him, offering a sheepish smile. 

Wren whispered in his ear and said, “Why didn’t you offer to go, that would have been so romantic?”

“Because,” Benji said, “if I’m going to welcome change,” he paused crossing his arms and following the motion of Victor’s cart, “I’m going to do it right.”

  
  


***

The following day, aftera low maintenance day of school, he was surprised to see Victor walk into the cafe. “Hey,” Benji said, “how are you?”

Victor said nothing and gawked. 

“It’s me,” Benji said, “Benji from school...and the carnival?”

“Oh,” Victor said, adjusting his bookbag, “I came in here earlier and filled out this application to work here, I’ll just come back later.”

“Lucky for you,” Benji said, snatching the application from Victor’s hands, “I’m the assistant manager so I can interview you.”

“Oh,” Victor mumbled. 

“C’mon back,” Benji said, lifting the counter. 

Benji walked him through how to empty and refill grounds, Victor watched him attentively and he couldn’t help but smile at the nervous look in Victor’s face. _Learning to make coffee is easy, once you’re shown the ropes,_ Benji thinks to himself. Once he gives Victor the steamer spout and shows him how to move it, he feels both of their pulses quicken, moving at the same rhythm. “Look,” he says, “you’re a natural.”

Victor chuckles and, immediately after the milk splashes him. 

Benji grabs a rag and dabs him, squeezing his bicep, in inspite of himself, until Victor’s a gay disaster mumbling mess, “I’m sorry--I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--

“Victor,” Benji calls out as the cute new boy rushes out, “wait.”

Victor leaves without turning back, much to Benji’s disappointment. It wasn’t a bad interview and Victor has enough service experience from which to build. They needed the help more than they needed the expertise, Benji thought to himself. With the way his heart was going and the way his brain, between orders, was committing Victor’s face to memory. He was glad that Derek was coming in today. 

When his boyfriend walked in, moving his thumbs across his phone like his life depended on it, Benji committed to himself that he was going to start a conversation about needing change. “Hey,” Benji said, walking over to him as Derek sat at his usual table.

“Hey,” I was going over the set list for Battle of the Bands and,” Derek said, “I think we need to add a new song, just in case we win.”

“Cool,” Benji said, “I gotta go back to work but I totally wanna talk about it during our next break.”

The next couple hours passed in a breeze and Benji joined Derek at his table. They reviewed the songs they were going to sing, Kesha’s “Learn to Let go,” was their song of choice, something Benji had mastered in a couple dozen practices. “We need another poppy song to turn acoustic,” Derek said, “and Gwen and Matt don’t have any ideas.”

“It’ll come to us,” Benji said, “Let’s wait till inspiration strikes.”

“You’re such a sap,” Derek said, with a hint of annoyance. 

“Yeah,” Benji said leaning back in his chair, “I like whimsy and romance and sappiness--

“Hey, hey,” Derek said, “I wasn’t saying that’s a _bad_ thing.”

“No,” Benji said twisting his closed lips, “but you’ve never said it’s a good thing either.”

“Benji,” Derek said reaching out his hand, “I--”

“I gotta get back to work,” Benji said, getting up and walking towards the counter. He focused on cleaning the counter and tending to other patrons, minimally meeting the eye contact Derek was looking for. Despite the way Benji got up, Derek stayed through closing. _God,_ Benji thought, _I wish he would just leave._

Derek lingered, even after Benji flipped the sign, “I was an ass,” Derek said, “I’m sorry.”

“But you _really_ don’t like my sappiness,” Benji said, “do you?”

“I mean,” Derek said, “it’s sweet and it just takes a lot of getting used to--

“Why?”

“Because,” Derek said, “my sister and my mom were all about cheesy rom coms and built their lives around them and one of the things I love about being gay is that we don’t have to be like that.”

“Rom coms may be stupid,” Benji said, “but I _like_ romance. I _like being sappy and cheesy,_ especially after the struggles I had with being out! Why can’t gays be happy and cheesy--just because straight’s aren’t.”

“We don’t have to subscribe to that, Benji,” Derek said, voice raising, “I don’t date boys so one of us can be the ‘girl’ and one of us can be the ‘boy,’” he added, “that’s so stupid.”

“That you see it that way,” Benji said as he started picking up trash from the tables, “is stupid. I don’t see my sappiness as trying to act like a straight person, I don’t need to be the boy or the girl here--

Derek interrupted him and said, sarcasm pouring out of each word, “You’d definitely be the--

“See?” Benji said, “you say stuff like that and I dunno why you wanna be with me--

“Benji!” 

“Just,” Benji began, “let me clean this place in piece. We can talk about Battle of the Bands later.”

“Fine,” Derek sighed, “I didn’t mean to--

“I just had a long shift,” Benji lied, “you can go. I’ll call you later.”

As the door jingled behind Derek, Benji followed and locked the door behind him. He was proud of himself in learning how to talk to a boy about navigating feelings and sex, but he was starting to think their relationship had run its course. Not just because of his crush on Victor. Derek, in his first year in college, was just becoming angry and all about being set apart from straight people. Derek admitted that his school, not Creekwood, was way more harsh than anything Benji experienced. Derek was a track runner who had to drop track to escape the bullies in the locker room. He emerged himself in music and found gay friends that way, building a band that, despite the different local colleges they attended, found a way to make it work. 

Once Benji had done inventory for the following day and set up the final seat, he pulled Victor’s application out of the shelf under the register. He looked for his number, pulled out his own phone and dialed it. “Sorry to call so late,” Benji started to say.

“I’m still up, what’s up?”

“Well,” Benji began, “you did better at the interview than you think you did and because none of the rich Creekwood kids applied, you’re hired, if you want it.”

“That’s--that’s great,” Victor said.

“We’ll be seeing a _lot_ more of each other,” Benji said, setting the phone at his ear, “every day after school till the end of time.” 

“Cool,” Victor said, “I get to hang out with the best people at Creekwood and stay on the basketball team.”

“Basketball team?”

“Yeah,” Victor said, “my dad says I have to pay for it by myself….”

“Oh,” Benji said, “you like everyone you met at Creekwood?”

“Yeah,” Victor said, moving in a way that had Benji wondering where he was. “I just came back from a stoplight party Mia hosted to help Lake get a boy’s attention. Poor Felix. And now I get to work with you…”

“You think I’m cool?”

“Oh, yeah,” Victor said, “you introduced me to people from GSA and now you’re saying I’m gonna have a job. New start, new Victor.”

“Cool,” Benji said, “I guess I’ll see you later. Can you start on Monday?”

“Yeah,” Victor said, “and I’ll ask Coach for the practice schedule so I can make sure I can juggle both.”

“You’re so responsible,” Benji said walking through the front door and locking it, “you’ll be a great addition to the team.”

“Are you leaving work just now?” Victor asked, “is that the reason you weren’t at the spotlight party?”

“Kind of,” Benji said walking down the street, “I usually don’t do parties hosted by sophomores, since I’m a junior.”

“Oh,” Victor said, taking off his yellow shirt and then his other shirt, “I didn’t realize. I just thought you just weren’t in my classes.”

“What are you doing?” Benji said, trying to control his breathing.

“Oh,” Victor said, “I’m getting ready for bed. Felix got totally drunk at the party and we got in right before you called. My dad thinks I’m going after Mia which is totally hilarious.”

“Mia?”

“Yeah,” Victor said, “Mia feels like a kindred spirit, I’m too into boys to see her as anything as a friend.”

“So your parents don’t know--

“Nuh-uh,” Victor said, “I’m out at school, not at home.”

“Oh,” Benji said, “I get that, I mean, I’m out at both, but it took me a while to get there…”

Victor didn’t know what to say. He suspected Benji was gay, but Benji never officially said till now. Knowing he was going to be working with a cute gay boy after school was going to have its complication.

Benji was impressed, usually it’s the other way around because straight and questioning teenagers are obnoxious. Victor made a point to be out at high school, but not at home, there was a story there. And Benji wasn’t in the place to hear it. “Well,” Benji said, “I should let you get to sleep.”

“I’m still giddy with the good news,” Victor said, “new friends, new job. But yeah, I guess it’s pretty late.”

“Goodnight, Victor,” Benji said as his bus was coming up. 

“Good night, Benji,” Victor said, “see you Monday.”

“Sweet dreams,” Benji caught himself saying. 

“Bye,” Victor breathed. 

_Shit,_ Benji thought, _I’m in serious trouble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? What do you wanna see in this chapter? 
> 
> I got the Zoltaire's fortunes from https://joshmadison.com/2008/04/20/fortune-cookie-fortunes/
> 
> Kudos, comments, and questions are always welcome, I write for all you dear sweet readers, please comment, kudos away! XOXO


	3. Call me maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they neared Benji’s house, Derek said, “I know I’ve been off lately,” adding, “college is opening my eyes up to a lot of things and I don’t know where to put it. And I don’t know how to talk about it with you.”  
> Benji said, “I wish you did.”
> 
> *** or ***  
> a retelling of the Battle of the Bands episode from Benji's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTERS are NOT MINE (I keep forgetting that disclaimer) 
> 
> Pulling inspiration from kateis-cakeis tumblr post about Benji and my own hypotheses re: what I imagine was going on in Benji's life as he prepped for singing "call me, maybe" 
> 
> A beta-less wonder, wandering in fanfic world to give myself--and you--the venji fells we all need right now. XOXO

Victor knew he had to talk to Mia about his father’s suspicions. Part of starting new was not starting with a lie. He didn’t want to benefit from a lie without permission. He did his best to tell his father that he wasn’t dating Mia, but Armando psyched himself into believing that he was. Why else, according to Armando, would Victor stay out so late?  _ Because my new friend was making a fool of himself and I wanted to make sure he got home okay.  _

His and Mia’s conversation about the struggle to fit in made him wish he was a little straight, if not bisexual, because they connected so well together. He knew he wanted her in his life forever. He knew, just as well, she didn’t spark butterflies. Warmth. She warmed his heart but, talking to her didn’t awaken his senses like talking to Benji did. 

“Mia,” he said on walking past her locker on Monday, “I need to talk to you.”

“What’s up?”

“Well,” he said as she adjusted her bag and walked him the couple yards to his locker, “my dad thinks we’re dating and I tried to tell him we weren’t and I just don’t know what to do because I don’t want to put you in a bad position or take advantage of our friendship. You mean too much to me and I’m just crazy about you but not in  _ that  _ way and I wanna make sure, I need to make sure that I’m  _ always  _ honest with you.”

“Victor,” she said, “take a deep breath.”

He took one, and she cut him off and said, “Take another.”

In taking the second, he felt a lot calmer. “You’re perfect, Mia.”

“Thanks,” she said, “I mean I know you’re not all the way out here and I know it’s convenient if people think we’re together so I don’t have to deal with assholes either so,” she suggested as they walked down the hall to where they parted ways, “how about we hang out a lot as friends and if people gossip, they gossip as long as we know--and the people we feel safe knowing--know we’re not dating?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she said, smoothing her hand against his, “I’ve never really had good dates and hanging out with you is reminding me why, when I’m ready, it’d be a good idea to put myself out there and...I’m just not there yet.”

“If you ever want out,” he said, “you  _ have  _ to let me know.”

“I will,” she said with a smile. 

“Because you are like the most important new girl in my life and I don’t want to take advantage.”

“I won’t let you, Victor,” she said, smoothing her hand across his face, “now go off to class.”

“See you later!” he yelled as he ran down the hall. 

***

Benji was confused. As much as Victor said he was gay, he was always hanging with Mia. They laughed together, leaned against each other. He’d catch them taking selfies together before  _ and  _ after school. They were attached at the hip at lunch. The confusion, he knew, didn’t mean he shouldn’t have that important conversation with Derek. 

When he wasn’t working or doing homework, they were at band practice with Gwen, the drummer and Matt, the guy on keyboard. They practiced in Matt’s garage--well his parent’s garage--like the cheesy acoustic cover band they were. “We still need an encore song,” Gwen said a week after Derek had mentioned it. 

“I think we should cover a poppy gay anthem,” Benji said.

“That’s a good idea,” Matt said, “most of us are queer and mellowing out what we catch at the bar would be so much fun!” 

Derek nodded in agreement, with a face that said,  _ oh god fine,  _ in a way that Benji was growing wearing of. “As long as it’s not another Kesha song,” he added. 

“Oh,” Gwen said, “not at all. And choosing pop is a better way of using Benji’s vocals, he can harmonize with all those bubble gum femmes.”

Gwen, Matt, and Benji laughed, with Derek eventually joining them. 

After his first closing shift with Victor, Benji commented, “so, what do you think?”

“I feel like I’m getting the hang of it,” Victor said, “I mean I worked at a register at a taqueria in Texas, so I’m just adding making coffee to the list of things I can do on the fly,” and he added, “you’re a really good teacher.”

“Thanks,” Benji said with a smile, trying to control his blush factor.

“Of course,” Victor said, “but the music is a bit...I just can’t.”

“If I have to hear another song about a daughter forgiving her father--

“Seriously,” Victor said. 

“Well,” Benji said, holding out his hand, “if you give me your phone, we can play something from your list. 

Victor pulled it out of his pocket with his long, gentle fingers,  _ did he ever play the piano,  _ Benji thought to himself as he studied the long, slender fingers handing Benji the phone. 

He scrolled through the list, catching a variety of songs pointing to Victor’s queer, bluesy sensibilities, with a mix of Spanish names and songs that Benji himself didn’t know. When he caught “Baby Shark,” however, he had to ask. “So it says here that Baby Shark is your most played song.”

“It’s a guilty pleasure,” Victor said chuckling, “I play it a lot for my brother and I find its predictability soothing.”

Benji nodded, scrolled some more until he got to “Call me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen. He pressed play. He started dancing to the song, remembering how he always imagined singing that song to a cute boy when it first came on the radio. It was the first song to make him happy to be gay. 

“You’re making fun of me now” Victor asked in response to Benji’s dancing and singing. “Call me maybe was my jam when I was little. I had a whole dance made up to it that my mom loved--

“Really?” Benji asked slowing his sway, “show me.”

“All I remember was that there was spinning and rump shaking,” Victor said with a chuckle. 

So, Benji rolled his arms and shook his hips. 

“No, no, no,” Victor chuckled, “you gotta put more of your rump into it,” he continued modeling the behavior. 

Benji did his best to follow, distracted by how loose and relaxed Victor was getting to the song. In the midst of their dancing, Mia texted, prompting Benji to give Victor back the phone. “Your Ferris Wheel boo is texting you.”

“She’s not my boo,” Victor said, clearing his throat, “we just understand each other--

“Understand each other?” Benji asked. 

“See, I’m not at school with some of you, but,” he added with a breath, “not out to my parents, which is really hard. And I’m trying to figure out if I want to post something on Creek Secrets or come out to people at school whenever it comes up.”

“That can be hard,” Benji said, “A Creek Secrets post may not be necessary, it’s a site that sparks on so much drama at school.”

“I know,” Victor said, “I mean I don’t know because I’ve been out for as long as I’ve been here, but I know that I don’t want to be part of a lot of drama. That whole GoFundMe with Andrew was enough for me. And my sister’s still having a hard time and I dunno what being out will do to her at school, you know. She just got out of a recent break up and--

“You gotta be out for you, Victor,” Benji said, setting down the spray bottle and the towel, “I have a hard time being out still and it’s been a year of me. The start of this wasn’t easy but,” he said, “once I was committed, a lot started falling into place for me.” 

“I feel that way, too,” Victor said, “and I  _ really  _ don’t want whatever my parents have to say or not say about it affect me right now. That’s why I needed to tell myself and the first people--like you--I met. From here,” he continued, “I’ll live my life one day at a time, doing my best to be out of the spotlight.”

“So, why’d Mia text you?” Benji asked, biting his bottom lip.

“She wanted to hang this weekend,” Victor said, “and we haven’t decided what to do.” 

“Well,” Benji said, “you should cheer for me at the Battle of the Bands this weekend.”

“You’re in a band?”

“Lead singer,” Benji answered preening his chest a little, “and I’m very insecure.”

“Well,” Victor said, “we’ll see. I have to run it by Mia first.”

“And you’re just friends?” Benji asked. 

“She’s the Meredith Grey, to my Doctor Yang,” Victor said, “we’re just friends.”

Benji nodded, hit play and they danced and sang through the rest of their closing shift. On watching Victor disappear around the corner, Benji texted the band  _ We should cover Call me Maybe if we get an encore.  _

_ Matt: Sweet _

_ Derek: you sure?  _

Gwen:  _ I like the cheesiness of it, slowing it down is gonna be awesome. See y’all at Matt’s next week.  _

Benji spent the next few days singing it, trying to figure out which notes he would play. At practice, Matt and Gwen came up with an arrangement for an acoustic sound which he practiced on his own in addition to with the band. He was grateful he didn’t have closing shifts for the rest of the week. He avoided GSA, and lunch, focusing on homework so he could be ready for Battle of the Bands. He wasn’t sure what kind of competition they would have, but he wanted to make sure he got it right. 

The afternoon before the competition, as Derek drove him home, Benji said, “Thanks for being a pal about the song, I know it wouldn’t have been your first choice.”

“Well,” Derek said, “I heard you when you said I don’t support you enough so, if others support you, I don’t see why I shouldn’t, especially since I’m your boyfriend.”

Benji offered him a small smile, uncomfortable with his response. Since their argument weeks ago, they’ve been getting more off, even with the band. Gwen and Matt were friends with Derek first, but it seemed that they were more in tune with what Benji was seeing for them than Derek was. Benji didn’t know what to do with that, considering he really didn’t have a lot of time to talk to him. Derek’s second semester at college was harder than the first and his new position at the Gap had him working a few more hours. Benji didn’t have time to watch reality television with Derek and Derek didn’t want to take moonlit strolls in the off hours they had off. 

As they neared Benji’s house, Derek said, “I know I’ve been off lately,” adding, “college is opening my eyes up to a lot of things and I don’t know where to put it. And I don’t know how to talk about it with you.”

Benji said, “I wish you did.”

“Me, too,” Derek said, leaning in to kiss Benji. Benji responded out of obligation, feeling that habit more than love compelled him to respond to Derek. 

He didn’t really think that they’d survive after the battle. And, as he walked into his house, he realized he didn’t care. 

The night of their performance, their adrenaline was running. They were the second to perform, receiving a lot of cheers from the audience. Benji did his best to scan the crowd while focusing on singing. He didn’t even see Simon after his first set. When Sarah announced the winners, Derek squeezed him and the four of them went onto the stage. As he started, singing, he spotted Victor in the crowd, eyes bright, face surprised and enraptured. He was singing “Call me Maybe,” to and for him. Nothing else mattered. Not winning. Not the rest of his band--just Victor’s face and the way those words conveyed everything he was feeling. 

It was a dangerous game he was playing, he had to admit, and he’d have to break up with Derek before he became the kind of guy he didn’t want to date. 

When the song ended, he got off the front of the stage, wanting nothing more than to ask Victor to give him time. He wanted to tell him the song was for him. He wanted to tell him that singing, dancing and working with him were the happiest he’d been for a while. Then, as he picked at his cuticles, holding eye contact with Victor, Derek came at him from the corner of his eyes, catching him in the kind of kiss he hadn’t given him in months. Benji let himself get swept away, pulled to the side and have an endorphin charged moment with Derek. They’d grown apart but, in the end, they shared their music. 

At least they’d always have that. 

“Hey,” Benji said his lips close to his boyfriend’s ear, “we need to talk.”

In the midst of the crowd, Derek followed him to a corner with the least amount of sound to have the inevitable conversation Benji knew they needed to have. 

  
  


***

On seeing the other guy sweep Benji into his arms, Victor felt his heart fall to the ground. He looked at Mia, who he’d told about the moment he and Benji had had around Call me Maybe, with his heart in his hand. “Oh, Victor,” Mia said, smoothing her hand against his arm. 

“Did you see?” Victor said, sniffling, “he has a boyfriend.”

“Let’s go to Waffle House,” she offered, lacing her arm through his,” this calls for lots of sugar and lots of chocolate.” 

***

_ Dear Victor,  _

__ _ First gay heartbreaks are the worst. Before I got with Bram, every guy that smiled at me but ended up straight, nicked off a little piece of my heart. Learning that a gay boy you like has a boyfriend isn’t easy and I hope your friends are showering you with hugs and solidarity cuddles.  _

__ _ I’m here if you ever need to talk. I’m not going to say that there are plenty of fish in the sea because the first heartbreak after coming out brings a lot into question. Take good care of that little gay-by heart of yours.  _

_ Love, Simon  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think?  
> I am BUMMED the show never told us why Benji sang "Call me, maybe" so I played with what most, including me, on tumblr speculate. 
> 
> Kudos and comments always appreciated, your visits keep a smile on my face and my fingers on the keyboard.


	4. Sweet Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor: Can I not close on Saturday? Mia’s hosting a friends only birthday dinner. 
> 
> Immediately the bubbles appeared, Oh, I didn’t know, I’ll talk to Sarah, I don’t see that being a problem considering you’ve been a pretty decent closer on the days you don’t have games. 
> 
> Victor: Thanks :) And you and Derek would be welcome to come to Mia’s for my birthday, if you wanted. 
> 
> Benji: If we find another person to close the night you want off, I’ll make it happen. ;) 
> 
> Victor: You’re the best, Benji, thanks so much! 
> 
> Benji: Don’t your parents know everyone already? 
> 
> Victor: Yeah, but my grandfather’s a homophobe and I don’t feel like doing that labor because things with my family are rough. I’ve been doing a pretty good job of living a double life and I wanna keep it that way. 
> 
> Victor contemplated saying more, something about where his parents were or how he needed a distraction. 
> 
> Benji - Would it be okay if I bring wren, Lindsay and Jules?
> 
> Victor: Sure, what about Derek? 
> 
> Benji: I couldn’t take him away from RuPaul’s Drag Race if I tried. And believe me, I’ve tried. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reimagined sweet sixteen, and include both of their perspectives. THIS is my favorite chapter thus far. It ended in a way that I didn't plan and still does all the things I wanted.

Victor clung to Simon’s words for dear life. As devastated as he was that Benji had a boyfriend, everything else about going to Creekwood was going out. His basketball teammates were friendly and didn’t always rely on homophobia to put each other down or joke around--his wit helped in that regard. Much like he corrected them from writing “looser” on Felix’s head, and challenged ‘that’s so gay’ comments without outing himself as gay or as Christian, he joked with them about being single and fair game as well as participated in opposing team insults and look downs. Even Andrew wasn’t always an asshole to him, even if it was because he was besties with Mia. 

Despite Andrew’s GoFundMe mockery, he seemed to be a nice guy. They weren’t bro’s, he had Felix and Adrian for that, but they weren’t enemies. That helped sustain a certain level of respect from the other players. He was making a name for himself, not completely invisible, but not visible enough to get himself into trouble. 

His mother’s infidelity messed him up, he couldn’t lie and despite the tensions looming in the house, he didn’t have it in him to throw a party. He didn’t want to fix anymore, especially when he’d have to spend time with his grandfather. He didn’t want to do that to himself or his friends. He didn’t want to lie or have them lie to him. Sure, Felix was going to come to dinner every night his grandparents were there but that didn’t mean he’d have to come out to anyone. 

“Are you sure you don’t want a birthday party, m’ijo?” His dad asked. 

“I have gay friends and I know how Tito gets and I’d rather not start any drama on my birthday, you know,” he explained to his dad the night before his grandparents’ arrival. “We’ll have a cena, mom or Abuelita can make cake,” he added, “I’ll just want a night I can hang with my friends. Mia said she’d host a dinner, so that you and mom wouldn’t be put out--

“We wouldn’t be put out, Victor,” his mother pleaded. 

Victor shook his head, “You and Pilar are BARELY speaking .Now that we know, you and Dad are trying to hard to act like we’re okay--

“Exactly,” Pilar said, “I _don’t_ want to be the dutiful daughter and cover your lies!” 

“Pilar!” Armando and Isabel yelled. 

“See?” Victor said, “we’ve gotta figure out how to be nice to each other before we introduce my world of friends to my conservative grandparents who are angry because we don’t speak a lot of Spanish.”

Armando and Isabel gave themselves a look, a look that Victor knew well meant _I hate when our kids are right._

“I wish we could--

“We can wish a lot of things,” Victor said, “what we have to work on is figuring out how to live together with the truths we know and the truths we don’t want to share.” He knew he was speaking about himself, the truth he wasn’t sharing. 

Later on that night, he and PIlar were in his room, discussing how much he would lend her for a new pair of hoops when she asked, “Will you ever tell them?”

“After my birthday,” he said, “I’m not sure when but, when the time is right and I feel like I can take whatever happens. I know how hard this has been on you. At least I have my secret keeping me preoccupied. I know I’m having a better experience than you are and I don’t want to put you in a hard place if they expect you to explain me, you know.”

“Our parents are such...grr,” Pilar growled. “And thanks for helping me with the earrings.”

“No problem,” he said, “I know how your clothes are your armor. Basketball and my job are mine,” he said as she approached the door to his room. 

“At least moving here is working for _one_ of us.”

“I would have preferred it to be you, PIlar,” Victor said leaning against his wall. 

“Thanks.” 

He scrolls through his instagram, liking all the besties selfies Mia posts of the both of them, considers and decides not to text Simon and then checks his texts. He’d been good about leaving his phone in his room. Sometimes Wren, Lindsay and Jules text him about GSA, using all the words, and he doesn’t want to get caught. Also, with his parents being how they are, he wants to be a better brother to Adrian and Pilar, especially since Adrian admitted to hating “Baby Shark.” He didn’t want to miss moments and, with Benji being in a relationship, being a good brother distracted him from his heartache. 

As he sent Mia a text update and a thank you for hosting his birthday party the day before, he received a message from Benji. 

_Check your email, let me know if the hours listed work for you._

He went to his email and saw that he wasn’t working on the day of his birthday but he was scheduled to close the day he wanted to spend with his friends and Mia. He text Benji and asked, _Can I not close on Saturday? Mia’s hosting a friends only birthday dinner._

Immediately the bubbles appeared, _Oh, I didn’t know, I’ll talk to Sarah, I don’t see that being a problem considering you’ve been a pretty decent closer on the days you don’t have games._

_Victor: Thanks :) And you and Derek would be welcome to come to Mia’s for my birthday, if you wanted._

_Benji: If we find another person to close the night you want off, I’ll make it happen. ;)_

_Victor: You’re the best, Benji, thanks so much!_

_Benji: Don’t your parents know everyone already?_

_Victor: Yeah, but my grandfather’s a homophobe and I don’t feel like doing that labor because things with my family are rough. I’ve been doing a pretty good job of living a double life and I wanna keep it that way._

Victor contemplated saying more, something about where his parents were or how he needed a distraction. 

_Benji - Would it be okay if I bring wren, Lindsay and Jules?  
_

_Victor: Sure, what about Derek?_

_Benji: I couldn’t take him away from_ RuPaul’s Drag Race _if I tried. And believe me, I’ve tried._

***

Even though he and Derek had been broken up since the day after the Battle of the Bands, he hadn’t told Victor and he wasn’t going to tell him over the phone. Benji was still working stuff out with the band, leaning towards giving it up altogether, because he didn’t want the awkwardness of asking Derek’s friends to choose. Derek said he was okay but, everything about his passive aggressive behavior showed otherwise. 

The time Benji used to have to hang out with Derek he was now spending at work, saving money to pay off the fine of his suspension. The money, he realized, could also help him make the gift for Victor he was thinking of. 

When he called Sarah in the morning, she said, “I know how close you two are. Go to his party, you two are my hardest working employees. If I can’t get Lisa or Sam to cover it, I’ll do it myself.

“Thanks, Sarah,” Benji said.

“Don’t mention it,” Sarah answered, “really, I don’t want people thinking I’m nice.”

“I won’t,” Benji answered, “see you this afternoon.”

Wren, Jules and Lindsay offered to carpool with Benji, alternating between their cars, as they passed his house on the way to school. Even though he broke up with Derek and had feelings for Victor, he was still grieving the loss of his first boyfriend. He’d never thought he’d have a relationship last as long as theirs did when he first came out and it was the first time he felt someone wanted him for him and not for who they didn’t want anyone to see them be. They started out as friends, shared music together and, as bad of a boyfriend Derek had become in the last couple months, Benji was going to miss his friend. 

“So,” he said as he got into Wren’s four door sedan, “Victor’s going to see if we can go to Mia’s house for his birthday--

“Why her house=?”

“Because his homophobic grandparents are in town and he doesn’t want to deal with them as he spends time with friends.” 

“That makes sense,” Lindsay says, “I wear dresses over Christmas and Turkey Day to save myself the trouble of my proper Southern family.”

Jules laughed. “Y’all are too much,” adding, “I’m grateful extended family lives in other states because their visits really don’t affect me.”

“Well,” Benji said, “you’re kind of straight passing--

“Ouch!” Jules said, “trying to be a Black man is hard enough, and bein straight-passing doesn’t ruin my game.” 

Wren laughed, “it does _not_ at all.” 

At school they parted ways, Benji running into Victor and Felix as they got off the bus. 

“Mia said as long as they respect my no drinking rule, Wren, Lindsay and Jules are free to join us.”

“No drinking rule?” Benji asked. 

“I’m not a big drinker and Lake insisted on alcohol at the stoplight party because--

“High schoolers like rebellion.”

“But I don’t,” Victor said as they made their way down the hall. 

“Oh,” Benji said, relieved. 

“I’ll see you later,” Victor said as he made his way to PE. 

“Bye, Benji,” Felix said as he made his way to class. 

Benji sighed as he made his way to his lit course, missing the absence of how close he and Victor were walking together. The way he missed being close to Victor had him thinking about when he’d muster up the courage to tell Victor that he was single… 

***

The day of the party, Victor went to Mia’s right after practice, joined by Felix and Lake. Victor insisted on paying for decorations and food, allowing Mia, Lake and Felix to buy his cake. They walked in with bags of streamers and drinks, agreeing to order pizza once they figured out if there were any vegetarians, and then they’d play Smash Mario cart on Nintendo Switch before delving into the cake. 

That’s what Victor wanted. 

“Mia,” Victor said, “you are so awesome for letting me do this here. I mean--

“For the millionth time,” she said giggling, “stop thanking me. You’ve been such a good friend on learning about my issues with _my_ parents and my dad’s new girlfriend AND you’ve been such a great cockblocker these past couple months. What would I do without you?”

“Be fine,” Victor said hugging her shoulders while he took in the sight of Lake and Felix setting up the streamers on the back wall of the dining room, “I’d be a _complete_ gay disaster without you.”

“Well,” Lake said as she lowered from the foot stool, “Victor dear, you are _still_ a gay disaster, with all those puppy eyes you give to Benji--

“I _don’t_ give him puppy eyes,” Victor defended, “I can’t help if I get caught up in his hands, his hair and--

“Yeah” Lake said, “gay disaster.” 

“Victor’s just a hopeless romantic,” Felix said, “unrequited, and invisible hopeless romantic.” 

“Thanks, Felix,” Victor said, “I can’t believe I gave you the ammo to call me a gay disaster _just because_ I was mopey after the battle of the bands.” 

“After the battle of the bands,” Lake said, “Monday at school the next day. Every other day at lunch and,” she said narrowing her eyes to examine him, “right now. You invited your ideal boy toy to a party with the friends he introduced you to AND you invited his _boyfriend.”_

 _“_ Who’s _not_ coming!” Victor said, “So I promise I’ll be less of a disaster because I don’t have to see them kissing or flirting or--

“Anything that makes you wish you were Derek?” Mia asked, joining in on the teasing. 

“I do _not_ wish I was Derek,” Victor said, “he doesn’t carry himself well and I dress better than he does.”

“In t-shirts and hoodies?” Felix asked, “I love you like a brother and even I know that it wouldn’t hurt you to expand your wardrobe.”

“Well,” Victor said, “I’ll get a suit for the Spring Fling, and I’ll let...Lake pick it out. How’s that sound?”

“PERFECT!” Lake answered clapping her hands in delight. “Now my gift for your makes perfect sense.”

Victor sighed and whispered in Felix’s ear, “Now I’m afraid.”

He had let Lake and Felix pick out the birthday streamer, order and blow up balloons they tied to chairs and the front door. The party was blue-themed, his favorite color, with rainbow colors only appearing in the “Happy Birthday” banner and in the assortment of balloons scattered through the first floor. 

Felix brought his game Catan, thought Lake and Victor promised to keep him from opening them up. He brought dominoes and an old-fashioned deck of cards if Smash Mario Kart got too boring. There were enough controllers for all who could attend. With Derek & Jules working and Lindsay babysitting, the six of them would be fine. 

Once Benji had sent a text to confirm the address, Victor confirmed that Benji and Wren were the only vegetarians, so they ordered the pizzas accordingly, adding breadsticks to the order as well. 

Wren was wearing a collared shirt, bowtie and jeans, bottomed with converse. Benji was wearing a denim shirt with silver buttons that made his hazel eyes pop. Victor felt fairly plain in his plaid shirt and skinny jeans, next to how Wren and Benji had dolled themselves up. “Happy birthday, Vic,” Wren said offering a hug. 

“Thanks, Wren,” Victor said, not yet used to the shortening of his name. 

“Yeah” Benji said as Wren went to go say hi to Felix and Lake. “I hope you like your gift,” he said handing Victor a gold box. 

“Aww,” Victor said, feeling the warmth rise to his cheeks, “you didn’t have to--

“I wanted to,” Benji interrupted. “Why isn’t Pilar here?”

“Oh,” Victor said, “she promised to buffer my grandparents so I can have a gay-friendly birthday party. I am buying her new kicks for her birthday in a couple months so…”

Benji smiled at Victor, bowing his head, “You’ve got a great sister.”

“Yeah,” Victor said trying not to reach for that lock that fell over Benji’s hypnotizing hazel eyes. 

Standing there, smiling at him and watching him worry his bottom lip, Victor took a breath, realizing he was keeping him from entering, “Sorry,” he said, “c’mon in.” 

***

Benji followed Victor through Mia’s father’s mansion. It was definitely bigger than the house he grew up in, that’s for sure. The whiteness of everything felt sterile and cold, very much unlike the girl that made Victor smile like Benji wanted to make Victor smile. “So,” Benji asked, “do you have a curfew?” 

Victor shook his head, “They know I’m with Felix so it’s expected I’m home by midnight but, for all his homophobia, I think my grandfather hopes I stay over and get some.”

“That’s gross,” Benji laughed. 

“On _so_ many levels,” Victor chuckled. “He made such a big deal about Adrian using the Frozen wand he got handed down to him from Pilar and my dad’s all like, he uses it like a sword, he’s real macho. I lost my appetite.”

“It must be hard,” Benji said, “not telling them.”

“I mean,” Victor said as they neared the dining hall, “it’s hard now, but then my grandparents will be gone by Sunday and I can then focus on figuring out how to tell them.” 

“So you’re planning on doing it soon,” Benji asked, reaching out for Victor’s hand, smoothing his them over the long back of Victor’s hand. 

Victor nodded, clearing his throat he said, “I feel like I’m ready.”

“Oh,” Benji said, his hands clamming up, “that’s awesome--I mean--for you.”

Victor shrugged, “We’ll see,” adding as he rubbed the hand that Benji had been holding, “I wanna make sure that, you know, it’s not about having feelings for anyone but, you know, my truth.”

“Do you,” Benji asked, “have feelings--

“Hey!” Mia yelled, interrupting Benji’s very important question, “so glad you’re here!” 

She wrapped her arms around him, like they were lifelong friends. And, maybe because he spent so much time with her during her visits to Brasstown, it made sense. 

“You have a beautiful home,” Benji said, “thank you for hosting this.”

“Victor is just…”Mia started, “he’s been a Godsend in my life.”

“He says the same thing about you,” Benji says, “you’re his Doctor Grey to his Doctor Yang--

“I’d say it was the other way around,” MIa said, threading her arm through one of his, “he came to Creekwood at the perfect time, now, he’s such a welcome change.”

Hearing the fortune he received from Mia’s mouth irked him. He hadn’t thought about it in a long time and, seeing Victor set up a Nintendo Switch in the front room, he hoped Victor was the change he was supposed to welcome. 

Benji followed everyone to the front room, picked up the remote handed to him and got involved in the game. It didn’t take him long to die, as he wasn’t a Smash Mario Kart gamer, so he watched others play, including a very invested Victor. 

Victor and Felix were still alive in their first round, while Lake, sitting next to Felix, was scrolling through the selfies she took the day trying to figure out what she was going to post to Instagram when Mia pulled out her phone and said, “The pizza’s on its way,” Mia said getting up from her seat on the couch. 

“I’ll go with you to open the door,” Wren said, dropping their controller.

“Oh, shit,” Lake said, “we didn’t set the table.”

She got up from her seat as Felix said, “You know we’re going to eat in here, right Lake?” Felix asked, “I mean, Mia said we could.”

That’s not what I’m talking about,” Lake said as she headed down the hallway. 

“Women,” Felix said, “what are you gonna do?”

“Not date them,” Benji and Victor said in unison. 

Meeting each other’s eyes, they laughed a little, holding their gaze until Mia and Wren walked between them and said, “eat up!” 

***

Victor observed that Wren took to Felix, Lake, and Mia really well. Benji, while he asked questions about how to play the game, offered small smiles on taking in observations, asked where the trash was when plates and napkins lingered a little too long, remained to himself. 

When, they all died after a second attempt at the game, they switched to cake, Victor grabbed Benji’s wrist and asked, “You okay? You seem a little off.”

“Sorry,” Benji said, meeting Victor’s eyes with a little sadness, “just a lot on my mind. I’ll be better.”

“You know you can talk to me,” Victor said, “You’ve been there for me for so many things, I just--”

“I know,” Benji said, swallowing hard, “you’re amazing.”

Victor took a step closer to Benji, taking in the sight of his worrying lip, the way the hand on his free arm picked at the cuticles of the hand under the wrist Victor was holding. He caught Benji looking, or so he thought, at his lips and he wondered, he wondered what would happen if he got a little closer. 

His thoughts, however, were interrupted by Felix starting to sing, “Happy Birthday.” 

“C’mon,” Victor said, gently pulling on Benji’s arm, “we’re about to eat cake.”

“Okay,” Benji said, offering a small smile as he let Victor lead him into the dining room. 

When they arrived in the dining room, the lights were dimmed, letting the candles to be an equally powerful source of light. There was ice cream quarts sitting next to ice cream scoops, paper plates and forks ready to be served .Mia and Felix brought out the cake together, Lake taking pictures. Wren was grinning ear to ear as they moved their eyes between Benji and Victor. Victor reluctantly let go of Benji’s wrist, but on doing so, Benji grabbed his hand on the upswing. Victor couldn’t help his smile as he looked around the room at his friends. When he blew out the candles, he hoped the hand holding his was God’s way of telling him his wish was about to come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Benji! Just TELL HIM, right?!?!? 
> 
> Betas are a dream unfulfilled but your kudos, comments and bookmarks are more than I could have possibly asked for. Thank you again for reading :)


	5. What does the hand holding mean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor writes Simon about his birthday party moment with Benji. Simon responds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a chapter in an unexpected place because I needed to set up the second part of the series.   
> Thanks to @OneGaySlytherin for saying, 'why not write the letters?'

After his birthday party, Victor knew he needed advice about what just happened. 

_ Dear Simon,  _

__ _ I did a thing. It was a small thing. It was a thing I sometimes do with friends. Benji was being a little weird at my birthday so, like a good friend, I asked how he was doing. I touched him. Like on the arm because that sentence reads creepy. We’re affectionate in my family, and I’m even affectionate, arm holding, hand squeezing with Mia and it’s not a thing.  _

__ _ With Benji, though, it was different. I  _ felt  _ a lot. He was having a bad day, it seemed, so I asked him how he was doing. I reminded him, like I remind all my friends and even my sister, that they can talk to me. I mean, he introduced me to my other gay friends here.  _

_ But, here’s the thing, when I let go of holding his wrist as I was talking to him, he grabbed my hand. I held his hand through being sung happy birthday, as we blew out my candles. I mean, if he was single, I know what I’d want it to mean. If he was straight, I could brush it off. And the way he looked at me, Simon, I’m so confused. And not in the I don’t know I’m gay confused but in the what’s going on between us confused.  _

By the following night, thankfully, Simon wrote him back.

_ Dear Victor,  _

__ __ _ Before I figured out Bram was Blue, my secret gay pen pal, every time a guy looked at me or said a kind word or offered up knowing a detail about me not a lot of people mentioned, I thought they were Blue. It was an intense rollercoaster for me, not knowing what of the attention I was getting was because someone was being friendly or someone was totally into me. At a certain point, especially after someone outed me, I had to start asking. I would ask them if they were blue. Most of them said no. Blue--Bram--had to be willing to admit who he was and how he felt. I couldn’t assign it to him.  _

__ _ And if you asked him how he was doing and he responded without or with little words, maybe he didn’t want to tell you what was on his mind because it was your birthday--Happy birthday, by the way, the pictures are great! And it’s so great you were able to celebrate with your friends separately from celebrating with your family given what you’ve told me.  _

__ _ Now that I have more gay friends, one of the things I am still getting used to is the hand holding and the squeezing that is just about the love among us queer family, you know? Sometimes, we hold on to someone because they get something we don’t understand. Sometimes, it’s because that touch says it all. I’m not Benji so the meaning of his behavior is something you’re going to have to ask him.  _

__ _ First crushes are hard, especially if they’re unavailable. Sending you the warmest of brotherly hugs.  _

  
  


_ Love, Simon  _

When was he going to ask Benji? And how, what the fuck was Simon thinking? "Uh" Victor groaned on closing his laptop. Maybe he was reading too much into it. Letting it go would be such the easier option. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Affection among us LGBTIQNBA folks is SO loaded, as an unintentional flirt, there was some more catharsis for me in writing this chapter. Because I was such a queer disaster whenever a soft butch or nonbinary femme would look at me with a smile.


	6. What happens in Willlacoochie...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the conversation about family lulled, Victor said, “it’s nice to hang out away from work and school.”  
> “Agreed,” he said right before his phone rang, showing Derek’s name.  
> When Benji ended the call, Victor said, “you didn’t need to do that.”  
> “He’s just calling about band stuff,” Benji said, “and I wouldn’t want to be on the phone with my ex-boyfriend while on a road trip with you,” Benji said like nothing.  
> “Ex-boyfriend?” Victor asked hoping he was keeping the excitement out of his voice.  
> “Yeah,” Benji said, “for a while now,” Benji said, shaking it off his internal question of did Victor just squeak, “and he’s trying to get me back in the band because they’re having such a hard time finding a lead singer--  
> “You--you broke up?”
> 
> ***OR***  
> What happens in Willacoochie between a newly single Benji and a totally out for weeks Victor when they're each reluctant to talk bout feels???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait to post this chapter, it's been on my mind since I started this fic. Love Victor Tumblr fans, thank you! I incorporate your insights.  
> AO3 returners, thank you for visiting, for sharing in my love for gay disaster angst, fluff and feels, it's been such a fun ride to share with you.

“You know,” Wren said as Benji piled in the car, “Benji held Victor’s hand as he blew out the candles but  _ didn’t  _ tell him he broke up with Derek yet?”

“Gay. Disaster,” Lindsay said, “I’m so glad my girlfriend does  _ not  _ go to Creekwood, she’d so yell at you right now.”

“It was his birthday and--

“And the best gift he could have received was you telling him you were single.”

Benji shook his head and worried his bottom lip, “I’m still--

“In denial about the fact that Victor is puppy dog lovesick about you.”

Benji sighed, “He hasn’t told his parents he’s gay yet.”

“So?” Jules asked. “I haven’t either.”

“It’s different,” Benji said, “I want to kiss Victor, I want to cuddle with him in his living room, I want to--

“Ask him to pose for you, though you know his face by memory?” Wren asked, aware of the drawing Benji gave Victor. 

“This is  _ not  _ fun,” Benji said, “I really need to get a car.”

“Because you don’t like your friends reading you for filth,” Jules asked. 

“Or because you want to…”LInsday started, wiggling her eyebrows. 

Benji threw his head back, closed his eyes and said, “Let’s change the subject so, you know, I can figure out if I wanna date a boy who hasn’t told his parents.”

The week flew by and, between the drawing he received and the way Benji held his hand, Victor was confused. On Saturday, he walked into Brasstown to find Benji trying to fix the espresso machine and Sarah on the phone. It was torture, the thin tank top Benji was wearing, exposing his round shoulders, and perfect biceps. It was cruel. 

“We’re gonna need to go to Willacoochee to get the machine fixed,” Benji said, running his hand through his hair.

“We?”

“Please,” Benji pleaded, “the last time I went with Sara, we stopped at Ann Taylor Loft looking at uneven turtlenecks for two hours. And she bought all of them. All. of. Them.” 

Victor sighed, nodded, knowing he couldn’t say no to Benji’s angelic face, flushed cheeks and pleading eyes. 

When Benji smiled that _you just made my day and life just got a thousand times better_ , Victor knew he was going to be in trouble. _Why did he have to have a boyfriend?_ Victor asked himself as Benji turned around to clean up some of the work he had done. 

“Here,” Sarah said coming out of the back and reaching out to Benji, “take my keys. If they can’t fix it, stay over and come back with it in the morning.”

After Benji put the keys in his back pocket, Victor helped Benji unplug and remove the espresso machine from its surface. They carried it to Sarah’s car, leaning against the wall as Benji beeped her car unlocked. After they loaded it in the car, Benji said, “you drive, I keep failing my driver’s test.”

“Sure,” Victor said. 

“Lemme go get my shirt and my bag,” Benji said as he went back inside, “then we can go.” 

Victor adjusted the seat and mirrors to cater to his height in the meanwhile, getting out to open Benji’s door as he saw the boy walk--skip?--out of Brasstown’s doors. 

“Can you program your phone to get us there,I”ve never been and, while I know how to drive, I don’t know where I’m going--

“Already did,” Benji said as he buckled himself in and set his phone in the tray Sarah had on her dashboard, “drive towards I seventy-five north and I’ll direct you from there. We’ll be on the freeway most of the ride. ” 

“I do know where the seventy-five is,” Victor chuckles, “thankfully. How long is it gonna take us to get there?” Victor asks as he takes his phone out of his back pocket. 

“A few hours,” Benji says, “do you have somewhere to be?”

Victor shook his head, “Not anymore,” adding, “Mia wanted me to be a buffer at her dad’s event today, but I’ll just ask Lake to do it--she’s good for that kind of thing.”

“Oh,” Benji said, “you sure?”

Victor nodded, “what’s a cafe without an espresso machine like ours? She’ll understand.” 

After texting Mia he was on a road trip with Benji, he set his phone in the cup holder and got them on the road. 

As they exited urban Atlanta, getting exposed to more green, Benji said, “I love road trips. My dad and I would go to Dollywood twice a year.”

“I wouldn’t peg you for a Dolly fan.”

“It’s the one thing gay sons and straight dads could agree on,” Benji said. 

After that, their conversation evolved into the difficulty of their relationships with their parents. For Benji, it was because coming out shifted how they could relate and what they could talk about, aside from Dolly. Victor admitted that all the tension and uncertainty between his parents, and everything he’s learning about being out, he’s not his mom’s rock or his dad’s best friend anymore. 

When the conversation about family lulled, Victor said, “it’s nice to hang out away from work and school.”

“Agreed,” he said right before his phone rang, showing Derek’s name. 

When Benji ended the call, Victor said, “you didn’t need to do that.”

“He’s just calling about band stuff,” Benji said, “and I wouldn’t want to be on the phone with my ex-boyfriend while on a road trip with you,” Benji said like nothing. 

“Ex-boyfriend?” Victor asked hoping he was keeping the excitement out of his voice.

“Yeah,” Benji said, “for a while now,” Benji said, shaking it off his internal question of _did Victor just squeak,_ “and he’s trying to get me back in the band because they’re having such a hard time finding a lead singer--

“You--you broke up?”

Benji nodded, “Right after the Battle of the Bands,” adding, “it was a long time coming.”

“I’m sorry,” Victor said, trying to get a grip on himself, eyes focused on the front of the road. 

“Don’t be. I’m not,” Benji explained leaning back in his chair, wiping his hands on his lap. _Why am I so nervous about this conversation?_ He asked himself as he continued, taking in the blooming green on either side of the freeway. “We’ve been growing apart since the holiday season--before you got here--things have been off for a while.”

“That must have sucked,” Victor said, slightly above a whisper. 

“Totally,” Benji said, motioning with his hands as he continued, “It’s like he started college and couldn’t talk to me like a person anymore, and having him do stuff I wanna do was like…”Benji explained, then stopped, took a couple deep breaths and apologized, “sorry...I don’t wanna spend the ride talking about my ex-boyfriend.”

“No need to apologize, Benji,” Victor said, shoulders dropping a little, turning to meet Benji’s eyes for reassurance. Loosening his grip on the steering wheel, he added, “I felt something was up but didn’t know how to ask. Like at my birthday party when--”

“You’ve been great,” Benji interrupted, remembering holding Victor’s hand as he blew out the candles, wondering if Victor really did squeeze his hand before he let it go, “I wasn’t ready to talk about it before, you know. And,” Benji added, tilting his head, “And it--it must be hard to have this group at school and at work who doesn’t care and then go home and keep all that from your parents.”

“I’m angry at them,” Victor said with a sigh, clenching a little at the steering wheel, “my mom cheated on my dad, which is why we moved out here, and I try to avoid them as much as I can because they’re not doing a good job of communicating and I’m working really hard to not be the dutiful son, you know? I don’t mind watching Pilar’s back because being a first year student in high school AND new sucks as much if not more than this. At least _I_ have friends and,” Victor said, wanting to add, _you_ but keeping himself from it. “I don’t want all I’m learning about the kind of gay guy I am to be affected by what my parents think, you know? I’ve done enough for them with everything else.”

“I’m not the oldest,” Benji said, setting his hand on Victor’s shoulder, “so I don’t know what that’s like, but,” he continued, removing his hand as Victor gasped at the touch, “I get it.”

“You’re such a great listener, Benji,” Victor said, turning to offer him a smile, “thanks.” 

“Of course,” Benji said, “anytime. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Yeah,” Victor breathed, thinking, _I wanna hold your hand again._

Victor drove taking in the sights of Georgia, Brasstown small talk with Benji and the realization this is the longest time he’d spent with Benji one on one. He was holding his own, laughing at Benji’s silly stories about former regulars and sharing some of his own about customers asking for latte art. “I’ll totally teach you,” Benji said, “the trick is in how quickly you pour and how to move the cup.”

“You’re awesome,” Victor said without thinking, “I mean--thanks for offering.”

“Of course,” Benji said, wondering to himself _did I just squeak._

They arrived at the handyman’s who had a cart onto which they loaded the espresso machine. As they uploaded it to his work station, considering their youth against his years, Victor initiated conversation asking how long it would take. When the old man started going into how espresso machines are like his wife, the boys looked at each other, giving each other a “ _what is he thinking”_ face before heading out. 

As they walked to the car, Benji said, “there was a thrift store I saw on the way here, wanna go check it out?”

“Sure,” Victor said as he opened Benji’s door, “maybe I’ll find a nice suit for the dance or something.”

“I thought Lake was supposed to help you,” Benji started leaning on his car door as Victor opened his, warmed by the courtesy of Victor opening his door every time they approached the car. It was _like_ they were on a date, _was Victor wanting this to be a date?_

When they both entered the car, Victor answered, “Yeah,” adding,” but I wanna have options, you know. Just in case I find that she went a little over the top. Wren keeps saying I gotta up my fashion sense. Hoodies, t-shirts, and jackets aren’t gonna get me the boy I want.”

“You,” Benji started to say, rubbing the back of his neck, “is there someone you want?”

Victor turned to Benji, looked from his pleading eyes to the way he was running his tongue across his bottom lip to his fidgety fingers, and then back to up to his eyes and lied, saying, “I mean my wardrobe is very wallflower,” Victor chuckled. 

“I think it’s sweet,” Benji said, “you have that, “ready to bring home to the family” look about you.”

Victor swallowed hard and said, “Thanks,” adding, “I think Wren and Lake just wanna play dress up with me and see what happens.”

“Yeah,” Benji said, scanning Victor’s long lanky form as they drove down the road. Benji couldn’t help but focus on Victor’s hands, long slender fingers he wanted to cradle his face, thumbs he wanted to taste and...before he could think other thoughts about Victor’s long beautiful hands he spent way too much time drawing when he was daydreaming about Victor, he gave Victor directions on how to get to the thrift store he had found. Having been to Willacoochee before, Benji knew some of his way around town. 

When they arrived, Victor went to go look at the suit jackets in the far back corner, Benji following him but staying near the shirts. Benji was tickled by the number of old school shirts he found; they spoke to his sense of style, colorful and playful. When he cast his eyes up to Victor, he saw that his crush-- _he just admitted he had feelings, oh shit--_ was avoiding anything with a pattern, all the while picking out a white suit, a maroon smoking jacket, and a black suit. Benji smiled at himself. Victor was old-fashioned in more ways than one. Maybe, just maybe Benji would be the boy to help him appreciate it. 

After Victor picked out a handful of jackets and suits, he joined Benji by the shirts, trying to find some that would match with what he chose. “I love this store because they have a fitting room,” Benji said pointing to them with his head. 

“That’s why I picked so many,” Victor said holding up the pile over his forearm. 

“Lemme pick out a few shirts for you?” Benji asked as he set his collection aside. 

Victor nodded as they went over to his size and picked out white solid shit and a white shirt with black polka dots. 

“Now let’s see if I can find some jackets,” Benji said, as they returned to the blazers. 

Victor watched and giggled as he picked out the most outlandish ones that looked like a travel in time. 

When they both had enough items, they went to adjoining fitting rooms to try on the clothes. They did a pretty good job of coming out at the same time, and, when the music got more upbeat started dancing to it. 

For Victor, Benji looked _good_ in everything he put on. He looked so good it was distracting. 

Benji took in how the oversized maroon jacket showcased how little Victor knew about his size, and was completely amused by how out of time Victor looked in the all cream colored suit. “You look like you belong in the early 1900s.”

“How about with this hat?” Victor asked putting on a stiff summer hat--

Benji shook his head and said, “you belong at a 1920s Southern summer picnic. I gotta take a pic.”

“Fine,” Victor said posing.

Benji stood in front of him, in his blast from the past psychedelic shirt and then took a couple selfies for good measure. 

“Oh, no!” Victor said going back into his dressing room. He put on the polka dot shirt, a skinny tie he and Benji found on the way to the dressing room and the navy black suit he’d found. He walked out of the dressing room to see how he looked in the mirror. It was perfect. 

From looking at himself in the mirror, he caught sight of Benji switching shirts. He couldn’t help but scan Benji's chest and arms, shaped yet soft, clean of blemishes. As he felt his face heat up, he went back into the dressing room and changed out of his clothes. 

In his dressing room, Benji gathered the clothes he tried on, not really committed to anything. As he turned to see if Victor was done, he caught sight of the beautiful boy's long, lean back, and had to bite his lip before he whimpered. He turned immediately around, heading towards the front, to give them the clothes he wasn’t going to buy. Victor joined him a few minutes later, having managed to return the suit jackets to their original place, holding in his hand the last suit he tried on. “I really thought you were going to get the Great Gatsby suit,” Benji joked. 

“Gatsby?”

“The white suit.”

“Oh,” Victor said, laying the suit down, “no, but I think this one would work.”

The cashier rang it up; Victor paid and as they walked out Benji remarked, “I dunno if Lake’s gonna like it.”

“If the machine is done,” Victor said as they walked to the car, “then I’ll change into it and we can send her a picture for approval. Or I’ll just save it for my first date.” 

“Now I _really_ wanna see what you look like in that suit,” Benji declared as they reached the car. 

Victor giggled as he loaded his new clothes in the backseat. Then he went to open Benji’s door. “Let’s just see if the machine is done.”

They arrived, parked and walked towards the workshop to hear the old man say, “Just in time.”

“Thank you so much, sir,” Victor said, “I’ll just go pull up the car.”

As Victor left, Benji paid the pain and helped him wrap the power cord up to help with loading the car. When Victor returned to the car, they each grabbed a side of it and slid it into the backseat. Benji realized Victor moved his new suit up to the front seat in preparation for loading the espresso machine. He smiled at the gesture, a small detail of attention and consideration. “Drive safe now,” the man said as they loaded into the car. 

“Have a nice day,” Victor shouted as he turned on the ignition. 

As they got back on the road, Benji observed, “you didn’t open the door for me that one time--”

Victor’s eyes opened wide, he turned to Benji and Benji could see the faintest blush across his cheeks. “I--um--did you--I didn’t realize I was doing it,” Victor said, “sorry.”

Benji beamed, “You’re so cute,” he thought out loud. 

“Th-Th-Thanks?”

“Did I just say that out loud?” Benji asked, heat rising up to his face. 

“Which part?” Victor asked, holding his lips in, “because--

“You're cute,” Benji said, covering his face. 

“Mhm,” Victor said, “at least you weren’t opening my door like--

“Like what?” Benji asked. 

“I dunno,” Victor said trying to remember the way back to the freeway, “but I think it’d be a good idea to at least help me get on the freeway before I get us lost--

“I wouldn’t mind getting lost with you,” Benji whispered as he pulled out his phone and opened a map app. 

“Me either,” Victor said, meeting Benji’s gaze. “Today was fun.”

“I’m kind of bummed we didn’t get to stay longer,” Benji said, thinking about how he could spend all day with Victor if time permitted. 

“Really?” Victor asked. 

Benji, overwhelmed by the butterflies in his stomach redirected the conversation and said, “but if you wanted to go to Mia’s event, you could still--

“And I could use the suit I just got,” Victor thought out loud, disappointed at the redirect. 

“Yeah,” Benji said, bummed he wouldn’t be the one Victor would wear the suit for. 

“But only if you approve,” Victor added, resting his open palm on his knee as he turned onto the freeway. 

Benji darted his eyes between Victor’s hand and Victor’s illuminating yet dark eyes and said, “Okay,” before sitting up in his seat, running his fingers through his hair and smiling with the thought, _I still get to see it first._ He closed his eyes, heart full and butterflies swarming. 

When he opened his eyes again, there was music humming from the radio and they’d reached their halfway mark. “I’m so sorry,” Benji said, “I didn’t mean to--

“You looked happy,” Victor said, “don’t worry about it.”

“And now I have bed hair, don’t I?” Benji said fussing with his head of slightly tangled locks. 

“You’re perfect,” Victor said before he could stop himself.

“Perfect, huh?” Benji echoed leaning towards the center of the car, head tilted on the headrest behind him. 

_I’m not doing a good job of hiding my feels,_ Victor thought to himself. 

_He thinks I’m perfect, I’m so done for,_ Benji thought to himself, unable to stop his mouth from raising its corners to the sky. _He’s perfect and I just..._

“Is this music okay?” Victor asked, redirecting the conversation, “I mean I--

“Did you wanna get something to eat before we head back to Brasstown?” Benji said, “I could use something.”

“Sure,” Victor squealed. _Oh my God, I squealed, this is NOT happening right now._

“And we could do drive thru so you can show up for Mia--

“Oh,” Victor said, deflated. 

“I mean, if she needed you it must have been for a good reason, right?”

“Yeah” Victor said, “she doesn’t want to spend time with her father’s girlfriend--

“That can be awkward,” Benji said, “because i know her mom hasn’t been around for years. I remember her work as a visual two D artist…”

“She showed her work at home?”

Benji nodded, “it was breath-taking.” 

“Hmm,” Victor began, then said, “I think a number of the drawings in Mia’s own room are her mother’s work,” Victor then turned to Benji briefly, “because Mia’s a sculptor.”

“I know. I’ve seen her work in the studio…”

“Oh,” Victor said, “because you draw? Did I ever tell you,” Victor asked, “that I loved my gift. I wonder how you were able to draw me so well without having me pose.”

“I have your face memorized,” Benji thought out loud, thinking about how many times he’s wanted to kiss Victor, “I mean, we work together like all the time.”

“Everyday after school till the end of time, right?” Victor joked. 

“Right,” Benji answered. 

Benji suggested Subway because he could have a veggie delite and the drive through was working. Victor ordered a chicken pesto toasted. They each ordered bottled water and agreed to have Victor take a few bites before they headed back to the freeway. 

Eating in the parked car, Benji double checked on the bag with Victor’s suit draped over the espresso machine, “Not wrinkled,” Benji said with a sigh of relief. 

“Oh, good,” Victor said after swallowing his bite, “Thanks for checking.”

“Gotta make sure you’re dressed to impress--

“It’s some university fundraiser,” Victor explained, “and Mia _hates_ those events. We spend most of the time hanging out at my house because she likes the homey atmosphere. My parents love her, think we’re gonna get married someday,” Victor joked, “as if.”

“So,” Benji said, opening his water bottle, “she’s your beard.”

“Yeah,” Victor answered, “I mean I hated telling her that my dad was always asking about how it was going with her because I’m so set to being out as a gay person everywhere else it matters, but she was fine with it. Helped keep stupid boys out of her hair.”

“Oh,” Benji said, “for a while there I thought you were bi--

“Back in Texas,” Victor explained, taking a pause between bites, “I did go to a couple dances with a couple girls. Kissed them, but nope. Totally gay for boys.”

Benji nodded, taking a bite out of his sandwich. He looked up to catch Victor failing at licking some mayo from the corner of his mouth, “Here,” Benji offered holding up a napkin to his face. When Victor leaned into it, Benji bit his lip, eyes steady on Victor's mouth, forgetting to breathe until Victor pulled back to his seat. 

“Thanks,” Victor said, wrapping his sandwich closed, “I think I’m good enough to drive.”

“Oh,” Benji said, disappointed that their road trip detour was coming to an end, “okay.”

“I’m going to sweep the crumbs off my lap and out the car,” Victor began, “can you hand me another napkin.”

On receiving it, Victor opened the car door, using his hands to sweep his lap and then, getting out, he swept the few crumbs off the car seat. On getting back in, he found his face inches from Benji’s who, as he looked down to observe, was setting his water bottle in the cup holder. Victor could see the specks of gold and dark brown in Benji’s hazel eyes and he couldn’t stop himself from curling a lock behind Benji’s ear. “Thanks,” Benji whispered, “for that.”

“Uh huh,” Victor answered as he sat down in his chair. 

“Let’s go--

“Oh,” Victor said, heart dropping, “okay. Sure thing.”

The rest of the car was an awkward silence, between Benji not wanting to tell Victor he didn’t want to kiss him without knowing he was in a safe town and Victor feeling like he read their entire trip wrong. 

On returning to Brasstown, Victor text Mia, _Please tell me you still need me to come and distract you from your dad’s event._

_Mia: Please, I need a boy and dad’s girlfriend distraction STAT. You’re amazing!_

_Victor: Getting changed now._

“Perfect!” Sarah squealed as they set the machine back in its place, “Thanks, guys!” 

“Sure thing,” Benji said, offering his boss a smile. “It was a good trip.”

“Yeah,” Victor said, eyes focused on Sarah, “I’ma go change for Mia’s event.”

“I’ll wait,” Benji said, “make sure it--

“It should be fine,” Victor said with a shrug, “I’m running late as it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOOOO CLOSE!! I wanted to keep the angst of ep 7 without the cheating. We all know what's coming, right? 
> 
> Kudos and comments please, the thing we want may be closer than we think!!


	7. Benji's got a lot to clean up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being gone for a few minutes, Victor watched Andrew approach him. “So you and Mia have gotten really close,” he said, nostrils flaring, and an edge of I hate you in his voice. 
> 
> “She’s a good bro,” Victor said, “keeps me from dealing with idiots.”
> 
> “Bro?”
> 
> “Yeah,” Victor said, exhausted by the spectacle, “because I’m gay and I didn’t want anyone giving me shit about it, so…”
> 
> “Wait a minute,” Andrew said taking a step back, “but in the locker room, you said--
> 
> “I said whatever I needed to say to not take it and it worked,” Victor said crossing his arms and widening his stance, “didn’t it?”
> 
> OR Victor tables his mope for Mia while Benji stays wallowing in his fucked up behavior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rose and Victor has an outlet; Benji gets yelled at. Thanks again for reading!

In a lull at Brasstown, Sarah asks Benji, “What was that about? Victor seemed--

“I messed up,” Benji said, “I  _ really  _ messed up.”

“Go home,” she said in response, “and figure out a way to fix it. My best barista team can’t be--

“Thanks, Sarah,” he said, cutting her off before she said something that made him more whumpy. 

At home, he texted Wren,  _ I fucked up, can you talk?  _ Before climbing the stairs to his room. By the time he gets there, Wren calls. He picks up the phone and hears them ask, “What did you do, Benji?”

“I didn’t kiss him. We were out of town far enough to encounter assholes so I didn’t kiss him—

“Benji!” Lindsay shouted over Wren’s speaker.

He was getting the chorus of lectures,  _ great,  _ he thought to himself. 

“I just—

“Just foolish with the perfect gay boy’s heart—

“I know, Wren” benji said, “and he’s probably crying to Mia—

“Who told me about the hand holding at the party,” Wren rejected, “like legit pointed it out to me while you were all in your gay boy love denial.”

“Ugh,” Benji said scramling over his desk for his sketchbook, “it’s not like every place is Brasstown or--

“You didn’t even text him,” Lindsay said, inching closer to Wren who still had Benji on speaker, “did you?” 

Benji didn’t think of it. 

“You got a lot of clean up,” Wren said. “I don’t even wanna know what led up to the kiss you didn’t give him, sit in your own gay boy self-inflicted whump.” 

“At least I lent him cologne so he didn’t smell recently bought—

“So he went away smelling like the boy who wouldn’t kiss him?” Lindsay asked, “Ridiculous.”

  
  


***

On a bus headed to the other side of town, Victor did his best to play cock blocker and Mia bestie. Victor text MIa he was walking up to her door. She greeted him before he could ring the bell. She made the introductions and they earned a smug look from Andrew as they made their way to horderves, age appropriate drinks and people watching.

“Just in time,” Mia said, “Andrew was getting that look in his eye...”

Victor giggled.

The pomp and circumstance of Mia’s dad’s fundraiser wasn’t lost on him. Mia explained that Andrew was there because of who his parents were in relation to the school. Victor shrugged it off, promising to remain attached to her hip throughout the party. He did his best, to say the least, until Mia’s dad pulled her away to make introductions. 

After being gone for a few minutes, Victor watched Andrew approach him. “So you and Mia have gotten really close,” he said, nostrils flaring, and an edge of  _ I hate you  _ in his voice. 

“She’s a good bro,” Victor said, “keeps me from dealing with idiots.”

“Bro?”

“Yeah,” Victor said, exhausted by the spectacle, “because I’m gay and I didn’t want anyone giving me shit about it, so…”

“Wait a minute,” Andrew said taking a step back, “but in the locker room, you said--

“I said whatever I needed to say to not take it and it worked,” Victor said crossing his arms and widening his stance, “didn’t it?”

“I’m not gonna out you,” Andrew said waving his hands up, “that’s not my style--

Victor rolled his eyes, “And Mia would hate you more if you did.”

Andrew stood there in silence, heated embarrassment rising to his cheeks. 

“You know,” Victor said, “if you stopped working so hard at being an asshole, maybe she’d talk to you.”

“I’m not--

“Yeah,” Victor said, “I know the real reason you gave me your jacket at the stoplight party. And the guy I like wasn’t even there--

“I was just--

“Uh huh,” Victor said uncrossing his arms and shoving his hands in his pockets, “right. Like you and Lake being at the Battle of the Bands was just--

“Fine,” Andrew said, “whatever.”

Victor shrugged, “I’ll do anything for Mia. She’s perfect,” adding, “she deserves someone as kind and as awesome as she is.”

“I know,” Andrew said, “I agree.”

Victor scanned him, feeling sorry for the tough on the outside, soft on the inside jock Andrew didn’t know how not to be and said, “Good.”

“I gotta say, Salazar,” Andrew began with a shrug, “I’m still jealous of you.

“What?!” 

“I wish I could get as close to Mia as you are,” Andrew admitted. 

“Stop being an asshat,” Victor said, “you know this world of hers better than most it seems like,” then Victor concluded, “you’ve known her longer than me. Just...just think about it.

“And I won’t tell anybody, Victor.”

Victor shrugged in response. Catching Mia’’s hand waving for him to come to her, he offered Andrew a head nod and said, “Thanks. That’s a start.” 

When Victor reached her, Mia asked him, “What was that about?” 

“Me telling Andrew I was gay and telling him to stop being an asshole.”

“And there was no yelling?” Mia asked wrapping her arm around Victor’s, “Huh.”

“If he didn’t need to be the asshole all the time,” Victor whispered in her ear as they walked into a room with less people to schmooze, “maybe you’d have less shitty things to say about him--I told him as much too."

“Victor!” 

“I see the way he looks at you,” Victor said, “it’s the way I look at Benji.”

“Victor,” Mia said, “I’m sorry--

“I don’t want to talk about that right now,” Victor said, “tonight’s all about you.” 

  
  


Later that night, as Victor got out of the suit and into bed, he opened his phone to find two missed calls and a handful of text messages from Benji. Tired and confused, he decided not to open them. He didn’t want to deal with whatever happened between them that day. He just wanted to mope in bed. Tired of the two lives he was living that made being sad about Benji not kissing him after such a perfect day, Victor realized the need to tell his parents was growing closer faster than he realized. 

He didn’t know when or how, but he knew he wanted to tell them soon. 

***

On waking up with no response to his drawing, Benji went to take the longest cold shower of his life, only leaving when his skin was too numb to feel the cold around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer. Benji draws a picture of the way Victor was looking at him, you know with the hearts in his eyes, takes a picture of it and sends it to Victor. That's why he's mopey. He called the drawing Yearning. IF anyone wants to take a try, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!   
> Poor Benji, poor Victor, how will they ever...
> 
> Kudos, Comments, and bookmarks always welcome!


	8. Not here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Benji's leather jacket. I reimagined the timeline for my own selfish interests.

By Monday, Victor’s still not responded to Benji. Victor’s afraid that because he’s not out to his parents, Benji doesn’t think he’s ready to date yet. He doesn’t want to worry about it because being out is important to do on his time. Something Benji himself taught him. He went through the motions of the day. Andrew giving him a head nod during PE but otherwise not being any friendlier than usual. Mia distracting him in lit class, sending thank you gif’s. 

At lunch, he decided not to tell her, wanting to instead focus on homework, basketball and everything  _ not  _ associated with being newly gay or in deep like with someone who flirted with him for an entire day but didn’t kiss him. “You okay, Victor?” Lake asked reaching out to touch his arm.

He nodded and said, “Sorry,” adding, “I want to be distracted and be there for you as you’ve been there for me, so please, ignore my angst.”

“Can we talk about it later?” Mia asked, resting her head on his shoulder. 

He nodded, and with an upbeat tone said, “First, we gotta figure out these projects and what we’re gonna do for spring break!” 

On Tuesday, short practice and closing shift at Brasstown, so Victor focused on work, homeworking in the library during lunch, racing to work after practice. He’d had a good day and felt like he was doing a good job of psyching himself into accepting he spent a day with a friend who didn’t want more than being friends and just wanted to be like Jules and Wren and Lindsay, an older queer who took Victor under his wing.  _ That’s what I have Simon for,  _ he thought to himself. He’d need to write him soon. 

On arriving to Brasstown, he caught Pilar sitting with Felix, talking about school.  _ Good,  _ he thought,  _ she’s branching out.  _ “Hey, there,” Felix said, “how’s it going?”

“It’s going.”

“Benji was asking about you,” Pilar said rolling her eyes to her big brother, “wanted to know if your phone was working…”

Victor rolled his eyes back at her and shook her head. “Why are you here?”

“Ugh,” Pilar began, “mom and dad are still awkward and tense and passive aggressive with each other, so I needed a more chill place to work. Adriana can handle them without me.” 

“Me lo dices,” Victor said squeezing his sister’s shoulder, “he’s gonna be the least dramatic out of the three of us.”

Pilar nodded, “ the joys of being the youngest, how I miss them.”

Victor laughed as he walked away, head down until he lifted the counter to go back to the employee’s section. 

“I thought you didn't work today,” Victor asked as he caught Benji standing there looking dangerously sexy in his leather jacket and black henley.  _ Calmate, VIctor,  _ he thought to himself. 

“I’m not,” he said, “I just needed to pick up a few things.”

“Oh,” Victor said, “hanging up his book bag, jacket. 

As he unbuttoned the shirt he wore over his Brasstown uniform, Benji’s voice compelled him to look up. 

“I called you this weekend,” Benji said, “did you get what I sent you--

“I didn’t open it,” Victor said, “I was embarrassed enough as it was and you have nothing to apologize for--

“Embarrassed,” Benji said more like a question, taking a step towards Victor, he added, “you have  _ nothing  _ to be embarrassed about, I--

“Don’t worry about it,” Victor said, “I’m--

“I wanted to kiss you,” Benji hissed in interruption, “but I didn’t have a good experience the last time I was there and--

“You  _ wanted _ \--

“I still do,” Benji said closing the gap between them, grabbing Victor’s hand, “I have for a while now and I just--

“Not here,” Victor said, “my sister’s outside and--

“Can you read what I wrote you?”

“Can you resend them?”

“Yeah,” Benji said, leaning up to kiss Victor on the cheek, “I’ll see you later,” before walking away. 

With his hand on the place Benji kissed, Victor turned to Benji and said, “see ya.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good things come to those who wait...even if you have to wait a little longer.


	9. Benji's texts to VIctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benji resends his texts to Victor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted Benji to be sappy for Victor. I wanted Victor to sit with the sappiness, so here it is.

Victor got home, ate what was left over the dinner his mom cooked, asked for the bendicion from both his parents, before getting ready for best. After brushing his teeth, washing his face and taking another shower--going to sleep smelling like coffee was gross--he finally opened up his phone to read the slew of text messages from Benji. 

There were seven unread messages. 

_Victor, I want you to know that I didn’t want to kiss you that in town or in Sarah’s car. It’s a strange place to start but I feel like we’ve slowly been getting here since you started at Creekwood. You’re so easy to talk to and every time you opened the door for me, (1/)_

_i thought as unnecessary as it was, i felt so pampered, carried. I sang Call me maybe because it was how I felt about you. It was unfair, to come to terms with how little I had been feeling for Derek because of what I felt about you. (2/)_

_You who insisted on starting in a new place with your truth, who danced with me and laughed with me and made working at Brasstown feel like coming home, Victor...I feel so safe with you. (3/)_

_And you were so close to me in the car, smelling like subway and coffee and road trips and I panicked. I panicked because I was called a fag in that town last...(4/)_

_Time I was there. I want to kiss you where it’s okay, where it’s safe, where no one will call us names (5/)_

_Because that’s what you deserve Victor. Romance, softness, and all the warmth and shelter you give to me. (6/)_

_Please forgive me._

Victor read and reread those messages, holding his phone as gently and as nervously as he would hold Benji’s face, until he fell to sleep. 

On waking, he read them again, just to be sure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVED writing this. And I wish all young queers can feel the feels like this, safe, warm, tender, like there's nothing in the world wrong with having these kinds of feels. 
> 
> Kudos, comments, always welcome. I think I can take a break from writing for a while now. Just let this sit, warm your hearts as it warmed mine in writing it.


	10. No Kissing, Just thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Victor: I’m assuming you don’t want me to kiss you at school, right? 
> 
> Benji: For the first time? No, though I have a feeling once we kiss, I won’t care where we kiss again. 
> 
> Victor: Noted. Sigh. Felix and Pilar are happy for us, btw. 
> 
> Benji: Wren, Lindsay and Jules have said that I’m out of the doghouse because I cleaned it up. 
> 
> Victor: They knew I was a mess for you. 
> 
> Benji: Were? 
> 
> Victor: I was an unrequited mess for you, now I’m just over the moon ;) I should stop texting before my blinding smile gets me in trouble. 
> 
> Benji: Fuel for my daydreams, ;) 
> 
> ***or***  
> Victor gets used to being requited and other people have ideas that he has to think about...

On getting off the bus, Victor text Benji _I dunno if I’ll be able to wipe this smile off my face at all today. :-* You have no idea how happy I am right now._

Benji: _I think I do ;)_

Victor: _I’m assuming you_ don’t _want me to kiss you at school, right?_

Benji: _For the first time? No, though I have a feeling once we kiss, I won’t care where we kiss again._

Victor: _Noted. Sigh. Felix and Pilar are happy for us, btw._

Benji: _Wren, Lindsay and Jules have said that I’m out of the doghouse because I cleaned it up._

Victor: _They knew I was a mess for you._

Benji: _Were?_

Victor: _I was an unrequited mess for you, now I’m just over the moon ;) I should stop texting before my blinding smile gets me in trouble._

Benji: _Fuel for my daydreams, ;)_

Once home after school, still elated, he kissed his baby brother on the head, and hugged his mom cooking over the stove, before going in his room to do his homework. As tempted as he was to go to Brasstown to get Benji eye candy from a far, he didn’t want to do that to him and he had a lot of homework he wanted to do, especially if he wanted to take the time to think about a cute first date. 

At dinner, he absorbed the scene as though watching it on a screen. His mom did the best she could to ask about their day. Adrian answered as though there wasn’t tension. His dad did his best to engage and listen, meeting each of his kid’s eyes with a smile whenever they looked at him. Today wasn’t a bad day. “I’ll be starting giving piano lessons,” Isabel said, “Adrian helped me make an instagram video and, I just wanted to let you know so that you’d walk inside respecting I’d have students.”

“Sure thing, Mom,” Victor said, “I remember how much you liked that.”

“Victor,” Armando said, “do you have a date for this dance coming up?”

He shook his head, taking a deep breath, he answered, “I know Felix doesn’t have a date, and Mia will probably join us so it’s more of a friend thing--

“Is Benji joining us, too?” Pilar asked. 

“I’ll ask,” Victor said, giving his sister a stabbing look.

“Benji from work?” Isabel asked. 

“Yeah,” Victor said, “he broke up with his boyfriend a few weeks ago, so they’re not going together.”

“Hmm,” Armando said. 

“Mal de amores can be hard at your age,” Isabel said, “it’d be good if he went with you.”

Victor tried not to choke on his food.”Thanks, Mom,” Victor said.

“So you and Mia aren’t?” Armando asked, rolling his hands. 

“Nope,” Victor said, “never were.”

“She’s a nice girl,” Isabel said. 

“She’s the best but not my type,” Victor answered before stuffing his mouth with food to control him from saying something. After his bite, though, he reconsidered and said, “she’s been a really huge help for both me and Pilar. Next to Felix, of course, she’s my best friend. She’s going through a tough time at home--

“Well,” Armando said, “you can relate to that.”

“Yup,” Victor said, popping the end of the word. 

“She went through a bad break up,” Pilar began, “and Victor’s been the brother she never had--”

Victor eased at the way Pilar redirected the conversation and gave his parents something else to consider with regards to his dynamic with Mia. 

“You’re such a good man, m’ijo,” Isabel said squeezing his hand. 

He smiled at her, “Thanks, Mom.”

After dinner, Victor and Pilar went to his room. More specifically, Victor invited Pilar to his room where they proceeded to argue in hushed whispers. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that y’all should hang out more--

“Do you want me to come out before I’m ready?!”

“No,” Pilar said, “but it sucks that you have to hide being as happy as you’ve been.”

“I know,” he said plopping himself on his bed, “but I don’t see another way.”

“That sucks,” Pilar said, “dad’s not a good listener so I get that, but mom--as many mistakes as she’s made, I think she’d be okay.”

“I dunno,” Victor said, “it’s not like I haven’t been thinking about it--I just don’t want to put Benji in their line of fire. It’s too new.”

“It’s great to see someone crazy about you, you know,” Pilar said sitting next to him. “I’m glad you were the one who had it easier here, now that I know…”

Victor reached over and hugged his sister. 

“You wanna read what he wrote me?”

“Sure,” she said as he offered her his phone. 

He watched her read, eyes getting misty, “that’s so awesome, Victor!” 

“I still can’t believe it,” Victor said leaning his head against the wall, “he’s thoughtful, sweet, kind, considerate, and he’s been so patient with me.”

“Well,” Pilar said leaning her head on her brother’s shoulder, “you deserve it.”

They stayed their talking, eventually moving away from Benji, onto school and Pilar’s continued struggles finding people who’d be kind to her. “I know I can hang out with you and your friends at lunch but,” Pilar said, “I wish there were people as nice to me in my class.”

Victor listened to her, held her when she cried about her fears about their parents and her own sense of disconnect, until she wiped her face and started getting ready for bed. When she left his room, he opened his phone to start texting Benji. 

_Victor: How was your day?_

_Benji: I’ve been thinking about the cutest boy’s smile ALL DAY, hoping I get to see it in real time soon._

_Victor: I missed you, too._

In his bed, Benji considered dialing Victor’s number, just to hear his voice. 

_Benji: Can you do my a favor?_

_Victor: Sure :)_

_Benji: I don’t have a picture of you, can you send me a selfie?_

_Victor: Give me a sec._ Attaches image 

_Benji: In bed, I see._

_Victor: Pilar just left. She wants you to join us for Spring Fling and brought it up at dinner. I don’t want to do that to you--_

_Benji: Do what?_

_Victor: I want coming out and introducing you to my parents as separate._

_Benji:...Oh…_

_Victor: I wanna go to the dance with you, and figure out how to be there together, you know?_

_Benji: Whatever you’re comfortable with--_

_Victor: Once we start kissing, I dunno that I wanna be afraid of where and when we hold each other._

_Benji: Hmm, your arms around me sounds real’ nice._

_Victor: Benji…_

_Benji: I’m a sap for you, but I know what you mean. I’m here for you. You know your parents better than me._

_Victor: I know they wouldn’t kick me out or put me in conversion therapy, so at least there’s that._

_Benji: At least there’s that._

_Victor: Can we go to the park this weekend, some time when we’re both free?_

_Benji: Sure :)_

_Victor: I wish I was there or you were here...I miss touching your face._

_Benji:_ Image attached. 

Victor makes Benji’s smiling image his phone’s background. 

_Victor: Not the same._

_Benji: There’s tomorrow._

_Victor: Tomorrow. ;)_

Despite the warmth that flooded him on falling asleep in memorizing Benji’s face, now imprinted on his phone, Victor struggled with sleep. Pilar was right about not wanting to hide his happiness. Benji was going to be there for him no matter what. So, what was stopping him from coming out to his parents? HIs mom, at least. She was his rock, right, so why can’t the rock stumble under pressure and be vulnerable? 

In the morning, he got dressed in his room in quiet, keeping an ear out for when his father would leave. On hearing his father leave to address an early maintenance call, Victor left his room to find his mother drinking coffee at the kitchen table, Adrian eating his cereal. 

“Mom,” Victor said, “I need to tell you something.”

“Que paso, flaco?” She asked, bringing the coffee mug to her mouth. 

He closed his eyes, set his back pack next to him and said, “I’m gay and I’ve been out at school since I started at Creekwood.”

She cleared her throat from choking. 

“I’m telling you before I go to school because I’m not ready to explain because it’s not something I feel I need to explain.”

“Why’d you wait till after your dad left?”

“Because it’s going to be harder for him-given how Tito…” he says motioning his head to his baby brother, “is. I trust you to support me.”

“But this is something I don’t feel comfortable keeping from your dad--

“Then don’t,” Victor said, “that’s your choice. I just don’t want to be ashamed about it anymore and it’s not fair to ask Pilar to keep this secret for me anymore--

“How long has she known?” Isabel said.

“Since our first day at Creekwood,” Victor answered sitting up and grabbing his bag. 

“Victor,” Isabel said, “we need to talk about this!”

Victor nodded and said, “And we will, but I have to go to school.”

“Morning,” Pilar said coming down the hall,”ready?”

“Ready,” Victor said standing up. 

“Bendicion, Ma.”

“Que Dios los bendiga a los dos,” she said, stuck in her seat, trying to figure out what to do about the news that had been given to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with writing a chapter about coming out because I feel like our stories need more than that...The kiss is coming!! @vividescapist has volunteered to Beta, so I will wait for support for my remaining chapters. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, kisses, and fluff and feels are IN THE WORKS!!


	11. Steady Love (or Venji kiss)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can I get an iced Latte,” Victor said on getting to the cashier, “shot of hazelnut and cinnamon.”  
> “Anything else,” Benji said.  
> “Not yet,” Victor answered, his grin unable to contain itself, pulling his wallet out of his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me light editing bc after a really weird dream I wanted to read from my phone but couldn't, so I posted. What more could Victor want from Benji????

“You’re a punk,” Mia said at lunch, “leaving your mother with the news like that!”

“What!?” Victor said leaning away from Mia’s efforts to shove him, “You don’t have to come out as straight all the time, and the only big thing straight people have to worry about is introducing their crushes and dates to their families--

“That’s true,” Mia said, “I just know your mom and she’s probably freaking out--not because she doesn’t support you but because she’s gotta figure out how to tell your dad.”

“Tell your dad, what?” Benji asked as he approached their table. 

“You know,” Victor said shrugging, face warm, heart racing,  _ this is not the place to kiss Benji; this is not the place to kiss Benji,  _ he told himself internally. 

“You know she’s probably at church right now,” Pilar declared, “praying for us.”

“Pilar!” Victor hissed, “you legit told me--

“I know what I told you,” Pilar said, “I just thought you were going to do it during one of those awkward dinners where our parents aren’t talking or dad was at work.”

“You okay?” Benji asked, reaching out to grab Victor’s hand.

Victor nodded, “Luckily I have practice today and…”

“You’re going to avoid going home for as long as you can, aren’t you?” Pilar asked, narrowing her eyes at her brother. 

“Yup,” Victor said smiling at her. 

Benji catches Victor entering Brasstown as he wraps up an order of 4 specialty drinks. Victor’s looking fresh from practice, and Benji finds himself wiping the steamer for way longer than he needed to. “Can I get an iced Latte,” Victor said on getting to the cashier, “shot of hazelnut and cinnamon.”

“Anything else,” Benji said.

“Not yet,” Victor answered, his grin unable to contain itself, pulling his wallet out of his pocket. 

“On the house,” Benji said. 

Victor gave him a half smile as he slid two dollars in the tip jar. 

Between Algebra review and Spanish, Victor had his hands full with homework. Within minutes of sitting, he heard the text notification he chose for his mother. 

_ Isabel: Donde Estas?  _

_ Victor: Necesito tiempo...I’m safe. I’m doing my homework.  _

_ Isabel: … _

Victor turned off alerts from his mom and returned to his homework. Pilar knew where he was if his mom was really freaking out. He didn’t want to think about what his mom was going through right now because that could be a rabbit hole of no return. He’d spent so much time jumping as soon as she said help. And this was not something he wanted to help her with--not in that way. 

As he wrapped up pre-calc review, checking the answers to the odd problems in the back of the book, he caught Benji cleaning the table next to him. The smile on his face couldn’t help himself, especially as Benji started humming to a song about a daughter forgiving her father. 

Victor scanned the room, there were a couple tables like his, where people were doing their homework. There were others that had friends playing the board games Brasstown provided for their patrons. The sky outside was bright with the sun, an hour from setting. He watched as Benji went from wiping tables to sweeping under them, as he tended to do when there was a lull in traffic. 

Closing his book, he went up to the register, asking the other barista working, Iris, for a sandwich. He paid for this one, left her a tip before returning to his homework. He returned to his homework, opening his laptop to review his classes’ web portals, submitting the required reading response for Lit and Spanish, before turning to his health textbook. 

***

With Victor there, time didn’t know if it wanted to go fast or slow for Benji. The time he took to memorize Victor’s concentrated face passed a lot quicker than the time when people came in for the after school and after work rushes. Aside from Victor ordering his iced coffee, they hadn’t really spoken since Victor arrived through the doors. He presumed that was because Victor was going to wait till closing, given that he wasn’t in a rush to go home. 

Sarah came in an hour before closing to do inventory. “Hey, Sarah,” Victor said as he walked by her.

“Can’t get enough of being here?” She asked. 

Victor smiled, met Benji’s eyes, and then returned his attention to Sarah and shook his head no. 

She nodded, smiled before coming around the counter to review inventory. 

Benji stayed in the front, washing dishes and clearing out the catching tray under the espresso spouts. He then grabbed the broom from the supply closet and swept the floor under the machine and behind the pastry counter. He paused when a patron came in, made their drink and then returned to the floor as Sarah made a list of items they’d need. 

With the sky darkening outside and the last regulars filtering out, Benji pulled his sketchbook from under the register and started to work on a new piece, a study of Victor’s hands and what they would look like holding Benji’s. “So,” Sarah said, startling him out of his concentration on Victor’s pinky, “you two figured it out?” 

Benji met her eyes, confused until she veered her eyes, not her full face, towards Victor. 

He nodded.

“Good,” she said, patting him on the back. 

“Salazar,” she called out, “if you help Benji close, be sure to clock those hours--and only those hours.” 

Victor’s eyes bulged out, he gulped before he nodded and said, “Of course!” 

“Goodnight, guys!”

“Goodnight,” they said simultaneously. 

Victor started packing his bags when Benji made his way to flip the sign to closed. After what felt like months since Saturday, he and Benji were finally alone. Victor followed Benji to the back, hung up his jacket and bag, and then followed him to take stock of what else needed to be done. It was mostly dead when Sarah left, no one in there but Benji and Victor. “You shouldn’t have to work,” Benji said, “you’ve had a long enough day as it is!”

“I don’t mind helping you,” Victor said, coming up behind Benji because he could. Resting his chin on his shoulder he said, “please.”

“Fine,” Benji said turning in Victor’s affectionate embrace. Lightly swatting him with the rag he removed from his shoulder, “but you’re going to help me clean up.”

“Mhm,” Victor said with a sinister smile. 

But he did. He grabbed a clean rag, wiped down the chairs Benji hadn’t gotten to, brought the trash out back and helped load the dish sanitizer with the mugs, spoons, and plates that had just been washed. 

As Victor transitioned between tasks, Benji started playing India Arie overhead. By the time they were done, lights bright against the dark sky outside, Arie’s “Steady Love,” started to play. Benji stopped Victor from getting his things, holding out his hand. Victor took it nervous and hopeful. “Com’ere,” Benji said, pulling him to the middle of the floor. Benji wrapped Victor’s arms around his waist, then rested his head on Victor’s shoulder as Victor rested his head on Benji’s. They swayed in the middle of the cafe, pressed against each other, unsure of whose heart was beating faster. 

**

Outside, Isabel caught sight of them, unsure whether to interrupt or let the scene play out. She remembered the nights that she and Armando danced at the diner, before the thought of kids, family, or marriage ever crossed their minds. Those nights were filled with innocence and joy she never regretted. Isabel couldn’t help but get misty eyed as she watched her son press close against someone he cared about. Their posture shifted a little and soon, from what she could tell in her distance from the cafe, they kissed. It was small, sweet, and she could tell he was smiling. His eyes were wrinkled in that way they wrinkle when he’s completely happy. She didn’t want to be the parent, like her suegros, who gave the person who loved her son a hard time. 

She drove away, wiping tears from her eyes, knowing she was going to figure out a way to support her son. After everything she’d done for her kids, that was the kind of happiness she always wanted them to have. 

***

As Victor and Benji danced, Benji smoothed his hand up and down Victor’s back, nuzzling close. Victor, by contrast, drew small circles on the small of Benji’s back, unable to contain the “Hmm,” from his lips in response to the subtle electricity coursing through his body. 

Benji lifted his head to meet Victor’s eyes, then his lips, unsure of whether to reach up or let Victor make the first move. 

Victor took in a deep breath, lifted Benji’s chin, and took his boy’s lips into his. “Wow,” he said, giggling against Benji’s lips, floating outside of his own body. 

“Yeah,” Benji breathed against Victor’s lips, steadying his hand on Victor’s back. He leaned in for another kiss, taking a little bit of Victor’s shirt into his grip as Victor cupped Benji’s face in both of his long warm hands, moving one of his hands through Benji’s hair as they parted for breath, which allowed their kiss to deepen. 

Once their tongues grazed each other, Victor pulled back with another, “Wow,” his body on fire and his heart beating faster than hummingbird wings. “I guess I should go,” he said 

as he cupped Benji’s face in his hands. . 

“Uh huh,” Benji said, leaning into the caress. 

“Do you wanna go out with me? Victor asked as Benji held Victor’s hand against his face. 

Kissing his palm, Benji nodded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> India Arie grew up in Atlanta, and i LOVE her. and I think Benji would LOVE her. Soooo, what did you think? 
> 
> Kudos, comments, and bookmarks are delightful. One more chapter in the first part of the series because there were so many things I wanted to do. Couldn't fit in one fic...and did I start the other fic, why yes, yes I did. ;)


	12. Spring Fling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I want you to know,” Isabel said standing up and turning to her son, “I love you no matter what and I want you to be happy, okay? Don’t you ever forget that?”  
> She took him in her arms, “Your happiness is my most important priority, flaco.”  
> Victor swallowed hard, his mom’s achy voice stronger than the cafe in his cup.  
> “Gracias, Ma,” he said, setting his mug down and returning her embrace.   
> “And I can’t wait to meet him--  
> “Who?” Victor asked as they parted their embrace.   
> “Ingenua si,” she said, “Tonta no. He’s joining everyone tonight right,” turning to the figure walking in behind her son, “Benji’s his name?”
> 
> ***or***  
> Isabel wants her son to be happy. Pilar give Victor a compliment. Venji fluff, a dash of stupid homophobes, and more Venji fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pilar's a good sister. Isabel's a knowing mom. and Venji, Venji are just the CUTEST!!

After a week of piano lessons, the tension between his parents returned. Victor was, in a word, pissed. He overheard his father saying that he was struggling with Isabel giving lessons because that’s how she got close to Roger. Given how he first learned that Armando knew, that he admitted taking his wife for granted, he wondered why his father was pulling this kind of bullshit now. Walking into their argument the night before the spring fling he told them, “You know we know when things aren’t working--

“But Adrian,” Isabel said. 

“He’s young,” Victor defended, “not stupid. You two have been off for a while and every time I think we’re okay,  _ something  _ happens that just,” he waved his hand between them, “you need to figure it out. We moved because of what happened; we can’t lose our parents, too!”

He stormed to his room, slammed the door, and texted his sister to see how she was doing. 

_ Pilar: Is your door locked?  _

_ Victor: Not anymore… _

_ Pilar: I’m coming over.  _

When she arrived, Victor was already sitting in bed, hugging his knees. She sat at the foot of the bed and started explaining what she overheard between them, having gotten home earlier than Victor. “Dad accused mom of having a grown man client and mom got all defensive and he got all stubborn and--

“Got it,” Victor said, resting his head against the wall above his pillow. 

“For all this we should have stayed in Texas,” Pilar thought out loud, “moving didn’t make the problems go away--at least we were happy there.”

Victor took a deep breath, “I think Mom did a good job of lying about being happy there.”

“But now they’re just,” PIlar began, twirling the bottom of her t-shirt in her hands, “ugh.”

“As much as I know moving made coming out easier for me,” Victor began, “it’s hard to be happy when I have to come home to this.”

“Yeah,” Pilar said, “I wish it didn’t affect us as much, you know--

“You know Dad got fired for beating up his boss’s boss,” Victor told her, “I mean,  _ that’s  _ why we moved out here.”

“So it was Dad’s temper that brought us out here?” Pilar asked. Shaking her head, she says, “Figures. I mean, I get it because no one deserves to be cheated on, but fuck--

“I know,” Victor said, scooting up towards her, “I know.”

Pilar turned to face him, rubbing his knee, she asked, “Has mom said anything about--you know?”

Victor shook his head. “I’m thinking no news is good news? Adrian hasn’t even said anything,” Victor chuckled, “it’s nice to know he  _ really  _ doesn’t care.”

“It’s good,” Pilar, “that way whoever he decides to be when he grows up, he’s got a good example.”

“Is that a compliment?”

Pilar shrugged, “Benji’s good people and even though we’re both pissed about this,” she said, meeting his eyes, “it’s great to see someone who makes you smile like you have been.” 

“Thanks,” Victor said, “that means a lot.”

“How’s he doing by the way?”

“Well,” Victor began, “now that he’s figured out he wants to find another band…” They talked about Benji’s musical ambitions till they both got tired, Pilar shuffling her way to her room. 

She could still hear their parents talking, though not yelling, in the living.  _ Finally,  _ she thought to herself. 

Victor stood up, got ready for bed and returned to his room, braver this time, he video called Benji. 

“Hey, there,” Benji said, in the same resting position as Victor. 

“Hey,” Victor said, beaming into the brightness of Benji’s face in his dark room. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” Benji answered turning to his side to rest the hand holding his phone against his pillow, “I looked at the time and was like, you have school tomorrow, Benjamin.”

Victor giggled, “You’ve never used your full first name before.”

“I only use it when I’m serious,” Benji said, making a pseudo stern face. 

“Oh,” Victor said, “good. Because you don’t look like a “Benjamin.” It reminds of money or of the founding father.”

Benji laughed. 

Victor took in Benji’s face, eyes a little worn though bright, his cheeks that sleepy red, not the blushing or angry red, and his perfect lips, a little shiny with lip balm, which he puts on before he goes to bed, given how much he worries against his lips with his teeth. “You definitely look like a Benji,” Victor whispered, eyes moving from his lips to his eyes. 

“It’s not fair,” Benji said, adjusting a little, “your name doesn’t have good nicknames, they either sound like a medicine or...nope, there’s only one passable nickname and it doesn’t work.”

“Then you’re gonna have to make up another one,” Victor said, “you’ve got time.”

“You’re beautiful,” Benji said, nestling into bed. 

Victor started at the way his collar bone move on the screen, he wanted to kiss him there. Kiss him  _ everywhere.  _

“Aww,” Victor said, turning to the other side, “you stole my line.”

“Come up with another one,” Benji said, rubbing his lips together, “you’re creative.”

“Everyday something about your face changes,” Victor said, “a lash, how your bottom lip’s skin cracks under the way you worry it, or a new smile I hadn’t seen.”

“See,” Benji said, affection and blush reddening his face, “creative.”

“Hmm,” Victor hummed. 

In the morning, Victor moved slower than usual, having struggled with hanging on the phone on Benji’s sweet sleepy face. He threw on the first clean clothes he could find, and trudged to the kitchen to grab pan tostado and a quick cup of cafe con leche. Isabel was sitting in the living room. “Your dad took Adrian to the park before school this morning,” she said, “and I just wanted to let you know that your dad and me spent the whole night talking,” adding as she looked at her son’s face. “We are trying to figure it out.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Victor said, yawning after offering his mom a small smile. 

“And I want you to know,” Isabel said standing up and turning to her son, “I love you no matter what and I want you to be happy, okay? Don’t you  _ ever  _ forget that?”

She took him in her arms, “Your happiness is my most important priority, flaco.”

Victor swallowed hard, his mom’s achy voice stronger than the cafe in his cup.

“Gracias, Ma,” he said, setting his mug down and returning her embrace. 

“And I can’t wait to meet him--

“Who?” Victor asked as they parted their embrace. 

“Ingenua si,” she said, “Tonta no. He’s joining everyone tonight right,” turning to the figure walking in behind her son, “Benji’s his name?”

Pilar’s eyes went wide, “Umm--

“Yeah,” Victor said, rolling his eyes.

“And you work together?”

Victor darted his eyes between his mom and Pilar. 

“Don’t look at me,” Pilar said, “I told her nothing.

“Yeah,” Victor sighed, “just don’t be weird, okay?”

Isabel nodded, grinning as she took another sip of her cafe. 

Victor was dressed and playing with his phone when Mia and Lake arrived sans dates. Felix was at the dining room table playing Go Fish with Adrian. Pilar was debating with Isabel about which earrings to make. Benji was on his way and, with his dad still there, Victor couldn’t help but be nervous. When Mia arrived, she sat next to him, setting a hand on his shaky leg. Lake joined Felix and Adrian at the table, scrolling through Instagram as they waited for Pilar. 

When the doorbell rang again, Victor jumped up.

“Who’s that?” Armando asked. 

“Umm,” Victor began, “my friend Benji, he works with me at Brasstown.”

“Cool,” Armando said, “there will be an even number of boys and girls.”

“Exactly,” Pilar said walking down the hall. 

Victor answered the door, and made the round of introductions, making sure to leave his mom for last, considering he knew she couldn’t be trusted. 

They posed for pictures, a guy behind every girl, and then headed out. 

Mia and Pilar went with Lake and Felix, whereas Victor went in the back of Jules’ car, letting Benji in before he settled in and grabbed his date’s hand. 

It was a small bit of torture, given the way Benji’s guitar-playing callused fingertips were running along his palm. Victor watched their hands’ contrasting colors fold into one another, surprised and grateful for how his first spring at Creekwood turned out. 

He came out day one and, by the last night before Spring Break, he was dating the cutest boy he’d ever met. He looked over to Benji, meeting a face as cheesily smiling as his. He giggled at the thought that a boy like Benji would look at him the way he was. 

“You two are  _ so  _ cute,” Jules’s date Kris said, “Just stop!” 

Jules laughed, “And to think it took them months to get there.”

“More like weeks,” Victor said, “I haven’t been here long enough to say months.” 

When they got to the dance, Mia grabbed Victor’s arm, Pilar grabbed Benji’s, and they walked into the decorated gym, taking in their first high school dance. 

“I’ve never seen my brother smile this much,” Pilar said as she and Benji trailed behind Mia and Victor, “don’t break his heart.”

“I don’t plan on it,” Benji said squeezing his date’s sister’s arm. 

“Good,” she said, offering a smile.

As soon as they found a table, Mia and Lake worked the room, Felix invited Pilar to dance, Jules and their date followed, leaving Benji and Victor to themselves. 

“This is nice,” Victor said, putting his arm behind his date’s chair. 

Benji set his hand on Victor’s leg. “Your mom was better than you thought she was going to be.”

“She was,” Victor said, “I think mostly because she probably hasn’t told my dad, but I’ll take the win.” 

The boys alternated between dancing with their straight friends, their queer friends, still uncertain about whether or not to slow dance with each other in front of others. Victor didn’t know how to ask because he wasn’t sure if Benji ever danced with boys at school dances. Benji wasn’t sure if Victor wanted to make that statement to a greater audience. They were sitting close enough, Benji leaning on Victor, but neither were sure if the other wanted to have a little more PDA than that.

Pilar, on checking in on the couple friends she was making, intervened in a way that required them to talk about it. “So you two gonna tackle a slow song or--

Victor, “I mean,” he said as Benji turned to look at him, “I would if you would.”

“I would if you would,” Benji responded, looking down and picking at his cuticles. 

“That’s your nervous, I don’t wanna be a bother face,” Victor said, setting his hand on Benji’s, “and you’re picking your cuticles, c’mon.”

“You two are so gross for each other,” Pilar said with a smile as she sat at the table. 

Victor folded his fingers between Benji’s as they made it to the floor, a Billie Eillish song playing. 

When they got to the dance floor, Benji searched Victor’s face, wondering what he was thinking. He stepped in closer as Victor set the hand he was holding around his waist. Benji followed suit, resting his head on Victor’s shoulder, wrapping his other hand around his shoulder. He’d never slow danced with a date before and for a while, they were the only ones that mattered. 

Jules and their date came around after what seemed like seconds and said, “they’ve changed songs lovebirds.”

Victor and Benji lifted their heads off each other and laughed, “Oh.”

Still, they held onto each other, Victor sweeping a lock from Benji’s face. 

They join Mia, Pilar, Felix and Lake on the floor, dancing to the music. Pilar rolls her eyes at Victor’s moves. While Mia scrunches her nose at him and says  _ You two are adorable.  _ Victor looks over to Benji, who’s pulling his rump shaking, bopping his head to Camilla Cabello playing overhead. Felix is being Felix while Lake is looking on in surprised admiration.  _ This is perfect,  _ Victor thinks to himself. Just. Perfect. 

Perfection, unfortunately doesn’t last. It starts with someone saying  _ Get a room.  _ Then moves to an unknown bumping in between them--Victor never catches the face. He rolls his eyes and tries to focus on dancing with his friends. Benji shoulder bumps him, leans to whisper in his ear and says, “It’ll pass.” Before they’re bumped into again. 

Victor stops moving, turns around and begins to scan the room. 

“What’s wrong?” Pilar asks, stilling her feet and hips. 

“Someone just bumped into us,” Victor said, “on purpose.”

“C’mon,” Benji said to Pilar, “let’s switch places.” 

Benji takes Victor’s hand, and they dance on the other side of the small circle their friends have made. He meets Victor’s angry eyes and pursed lips, shakes his head, and then reaches down to squeeze his hand. He mouths,  _ Right here.  _

When Mia crosses her eyebrows, turns her head and scoffs, Lake asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Stupid high school students,” she says shaking her head, “with nothing better to say.”

“What’d they say?” Felix asks leaning across Lake. 

“I don’t,” Mia says,” I don’t want to talk about it.”

She tries not to look at Victor. If she looks at Victor, she’ll give it away and he’s having such a good night. “Felix,” Mia warns, darting her eyes at him. 

“Never mind,” Felix says shaking his head. 

When Pilar darts her head and says, “Asshole,” Victor assumes the worst. 

“Where?” is all he asks her and she points to a couple suits.

“Victor,” Benji pleads as he follows his date.

Pilar, Mia, Felix and Lake follow suit as well, Benji catches on. And, when he finds Jules’s and Wren’s eyes, they weave through the crowd to join them. 

“Apparently,” Wren says, “homophobes just like dropping word bombs and walking away.

“Cowards is what they are,” Jules says, “I assume--

“They started calling us names, too,” Pilar said, “they’re right over…” she begins to say 

(I need to write a homophobic scene here where they both stand up for themselves, but the resistance is led by qpoc).

They were a mixed group of guys in suits, a couple girls. Thankfully, no one from the basketball team. “You gotta a problem,” Wren asks them.

The blonde snickers, “I have no idea--

“But you kept bumping into us,” Pilar said, stepping closer, “you can’t say it to my face?”

“Or mine?” Victor said, “What’s your problem?”

The blonde guy who snickered darts his eyes between his friends. 

“How do you know it was us?” Another one, a brunette with a football player’s build, asks. 

“Because I saw you,” Mia said, “you kept bumping into Victor and--

“And because we have class together,” Jules says, “I know what you say as I walk into class--

Within minutes the verbal standoff has an audience with the bullies going from questioning to denying until Miss Albright and a couple other teachers step in. Victor’s already loosened his tie by the time this happens; Pilar and Mia took off their earrings and handed them to Felix. Benji was holding his own jacket, sleeves rolled up when Miss Albright said, “What’s going on here?”

“They won’t leave us alone,” Wren and Jules said, “I think they think the dance is only for straight people--

Miss Albright looked at the group, “I wish I could say I was surprised,” she rolled her eyes at them. “I’m too experienced at this kind of mediocrity,” she continued rolling her eyes, “you can go if you’re so uncomfortable.”

“Miss Albright,” one of the guys’ dates said, “you can’t do that?”

“Do you want me to call your parents about another case of your abuse of acting against school policy? It’d look PHENOMENAL on your college applications...”

“Miss Albright?!” Another female student protested, clutching her pearls. 

“Have a good night,” Miss Albright said waving at them as they filed towards the doors.

“You okay?” One of the other teacher’s asked. 

They all nodded. 

“Don’t let them ruin your good night,” another teacher said, offering a weak smile. 

  
  


After that whole scene, followed by Andrew and a couple of Victor’s basketball teammates asking if the crew needed anything, Victor and Benji took a breather outside, overwhelmed by both the rush of support and the harsh reality that, despite the newness of being together, they’d still have to face jerks. They pushed through the double doors, adrenaline pumping through their systems as their hearts grew weary. Leaning on opposite railings, they took each other in, Benji’s shirt opened by one more button, Victor’s loosened tie, their hair both disheveled. “You okay?” They asked each other once they caught their breath. 

Victor nodded, “I almost forgot--

“Yeah,” Benji said, “at least we weren’t alone.”

“Yeah,” Victor said looking down at his shoes, slightly scuffed. 

Chaperones had come through before it had gotten physical. Miss Albright standing on their side, checking in with them before dealing with the handful of stupid cis white dudes who had nothing better to do but to taunt them. 

“It’s not our fault,” Victor said, “there’s nothing--it’s not our fault.”

“No, Victor,” Benji said, crossing the stairs, “it’s not.”

Victor’s eyes scanned Benji’s face, his shoulders, his form, “And you’re okay.”

“A little shaken,” Benji said, settings his hands on Victor’s, which were still holding on to the railing behind him, “but I’m okay, you?”

“Has this happened before? I mean,” Victor asked, taking a beat, “have you ever?”

“Not like this,” Benji said, “at least not here. But at that subway, you know the one where we almost--

“OH,” Victor said

“And before I started drinking there were a few other things,” Benji said, running his fingers through his hair, “I was a lot smaller then.”

“Really?” Victor said, “smaller?”

“Late bloomer,” Benji said, running his hands up and down Victor’s arms. 

Victor couldn’t stop the tears, “How do you--how can you--

“I got stronger,” Benji said, “I got smarter, knowing where to…”

“Do you ever get used to this?” Victor asked, sliding his forearm under his nose. 

“I never want to,” Benji said. 

Caressing Victor’s face he said, “I rather get used to this.”

“Me, too,” Victor said, holding Benji’s hand against his face, “And I wanna get used to this,” he said resting his forehead against Benji’s. 

Benji placed a soft kiss on Victor’s forehead, then his closed eyes, then his cheeks. 

In response to Benji’s tenderness, Victor let go of the railing and set his hands on Benji’s waist. He found refuge in Benji’s hands holding the back of his head in place as Benji’s tender lips peppered Victor’s face with kisses until their lips met. Then, their faces both wet with tears, their lips slotted against each other, gentle, tender, slow until Victor ventured to lick Benji’s bottom lip. Then Benji opened his mouth wider, their tongues sliding against each other as Benji leaned in closer, slotting his legs between Victor’s. 

It felt so good to have Benji so close, to taste more of him than he had before but the distant sound of feet running caught him off guard and he lifted his head to scan the quad around them, waiting. 

“It’s okay,” Benji said, running his fingers through his hair, “We can go back inside, so….”

“Sure,” Victor said, “the night’s still young.” 

Victor followed Benji in, hands stuffed in his pockets. Once in the refuge of the hallway, he playfully nudged Benji and said, “I didn’t know kissing could be like that.”

“I didn’t know dancing could feel like it did,” Benji said ducking his head. 

“Dancing?” Victor asked, “you mean when the group was--

Benji shook his head no, “I’ve never not felt anxious at a dance, being there with you, I just forgot about everything and it was just enough,” he said, taking Victor’s hand, “I was just me and that was enough.”

Victor nodded, ran his fingers through Benji’s hair and his date closed his eyes in response. “That’s how you make me feel, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a few liberties besides Victor coming out day one at Creekwood. There was so much more I could have done, that I wanted to do with the other characters...that's what other fics are for ;), right?
> 
> Your visits, and kudos, and comments have been a treat. Follow the series bc there'll be another road trip, more fluff, more feels from the Creekwood crew we love so much.

**Author's Note:**

> Between tumblr and other fan fics, I imagined this fic w no cheating among the gays and giving Benji both a backstory and some community. Thank you so much for reading, and following. <3 <3 
> 
> Kudos, likes, and comments always welcome


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